The Ouch! and Ahhh! of the Gospel*

I was recently given the assignment to tell my story to a small group of trusted friends. It wasn't the kind of story telling I am used to, however, but was an exercise for me to see the Gospel themes woven throughout my entire life. This means creation, fall, redemption and consummation (which we anticipate but only get small glimpses of now.) I couldn't pull it together in a clear and organized way. I told them it felt like a collision between my ADD and perfectionism which resulted in a sloppy mess. But something interesting happened as I just started talking (and talking and talking). The repugnance of my sin overwhelmed me as it somehow felt more overwhelmingly "sinful" in my telling.


They answered him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?" Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. John 8:33-35

As I recounted the way I gave in (without a fight) to sin's lure to take the image of God with which I was made and to be my own God instead, I felt that enslavement come over me. Ridiculous as it sounds, the image that came to mind was of the way those Twilight books (yes, I read them) describe vampires smelling human blood. The "good" ones knew they couldn't act on it, but it took everything in them to turn away. Sin is more powerful than that because there is nothing in me than can turn away...it takes advantage of our particular glory lusts, hunger for control, demand to be worshipped ourselves and is merciless.

So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful. Romans 7:12-13

Apart from the righteousness of the person and work of Jesus, the total and complete fulfillment of every letter of the Law, sin was not utterly sinful to me. My arrogance actually seemed pretty cool to me. My disdain for the majority of the population, who do not fit extremely narrow parameters for my admiration, was not abhorrent to me until I encountered the person and work of Jesus. I felt genuinely powerful, unquestionably superior and worthy of praise until my eyes were opened to the One who, being in very nature God, made Himself nothing and took on the nature of a servant. (Phil. 2:6-8) And suddenly, the only One who can be called "good" produced death in me as I began to see how utterly sinful my sin really is.

(1)Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh. For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh— though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has (2)reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless. (3)But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, (4)that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:1-11

1. Those dogs - I assumed these to be, like I've written before, sinister atheists who lurk about in dark cloaks in shadowy places. But I am one of these dogs each time, as the writing goes on, I encourage other believers to find peace, restoration and any form of righteousness within their own selves. Whenever my Bible study teaching ended with a charge to do more and try harder at "pleasing God" and omitted the only One with whom God has ever been fully "well pleased", I have been an agent of death/mutilator of the flesh.

2. reasons to put confidence in the flesh - with the right education, the right resume, the right connections, the right travel destination diary, the right accomplishments, the right wardrobe, the right vocabulary, the right disciplines...it is impossible with man (ever since Adam) not to place confidence in the flesh.
3. whatever was to my profit I now consider loss - I always thought this was just one of those nice, humble things people say, like "I married out of my league!" But, it’s piercingly true. All those "right" things give me false security and sense of being "fine" and even outstanding. They blind me from seeing what is true about the self-worship in my heart, the glory thief that I am and the people hater that lies beneath my arrogant disdain for others. "Woe to me!" is impossible to utter until the sinfulness of my sin is exposed to me.

4. found in Him - Here is the only place where "Woe to me!" is met with "Glory to God in the Highest!" Here is where the sting of death, the sinfulness of sin, no longer has the final word or the power to define my life's story. My life's story, from creation through the fall, gets to find its ultimate identity in the person and work of Jesus.

You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 2 Corinthians 3:3-6

*expression totally plagiarized from Anne Henegar

Deliver Us from Which Evil?

Yesterday at church, the opening prayer included one line that really struck me. As Walter was going through the various places from which each of our hearts may have entered the room, he included those "who have lost hope and just don't have the energy to try anymore." That struck me because I know that feeling. You feel physically weary, emotionally spent and mentally drained. A clean, plain hospital room with an IV to feed me sounds like the best cure for my "can't go on anymore" self.

But the next thing that came to mind with that description was that this hopelessness and lack of desire to press on anymore, for me as a believer at least, is almost never because the Gospel’s work seems inapplicable to me in "this" situation. Sadly, that is not the focus of my grieving and despair. No, most often this hopelessness and weariness and desire to give up has much more to do with the fact that my circumstances won't change the way I think they should and God has yet to perform the external fixes I so passionately desire, nor has He finally given me those various vocational, relational, physical or even material blessings that I so intensely want. My faith is placed in external changes and rarely if ever considers internal transformation as the goal of my faith.

This is not to say that all my wants are bad (we are not Gnostics after all) or that those circumstantial changes and "fixes" wouldn't be much better. The desire for a tumor to be healed and dissolved, for a marriage to be restored and life-giving, for money to pay basic bills and many other types of prayers for healing and life's necessities are all very good prayers and beautiful desires. They are the kind of ultimate restoration of all things that we are promised in the future and often get tastes of even now. But my eyes get so fixed on the creation that I totally miss the Creator as He is in fact busily working in and through these circumstances, not to change them as would please me, but to change me as pleases Him and brings Him glory.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:1-5
Doesn’t most of my depression, despair and hopelessness have more to do with the anger I feel about things not working the way I would like them to work? My faith is challenged not because God is not redeeming me and transforming me, but because He is not submitting to my will for my world. What would happen to my faith if I began to see that in the midst of my circumstances not changing, God is very busily, actively and intimately changing me (and others) to be more genuinely patient, more authentically less demanding, more honestly humble? What if by the anger I do feel He is showing me what I worship more than Him? What if by the panic I feel, He is showing me where I trust my control more than His? What if by the disappointments I experience, He is showing me where I trust and place my hope in my plans more than His? What if in each area where He is exposing my unbelief, He is also inviting me to believe His goodness, control, love, perseverance on my behalf, trustworthiness, power and sovereignty more?
What if rather than worshipping the creation (my circumstances and all the created things that I look to for life, joy, peace, etc.), I began to see every detail of my circumstances as reminders to worship the Creator instead? What if I begin to have eyes to see through my painful or tedious circumstances to the work God is in fact accomplishing, miraculously, in my heart? His Kingdom is coming, even now, though just as the people of Jesus' day missed it, so do I. Just like them, I look for it in glory and honor, but suffering is the Gospel doorway to this glory.

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us...2 Corinth. 1:8-10

Do I want to be delivered from my circumstances or do I pray to be delivered from my self-rule, self-absorption, self-reliance and self-righteousness?  Which evil is more offensive to me? 

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. Brothers, pray for us. 1 Thess. 5:23-25

Forgive Us Our Debts

The matter of extending forgiveness and asking for it is one that most Christians agree with but we really don't grasp.  For so long, I felt like it was a vulnerable and super spiritual thing to acknowlege that I had "sins" to be forgiven.  Then, I got a little bolder and would confess things like "pride" and "not loving well."  Its not that these weren't true nor was it that I was trying to be vague and evasive, but I just didn't see it any more clearly than that.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives. 1 John 1:8-10

If I am blameless in my relational conflicts, if every irritation I feel toward family, friends and those I encounter in the course of the day is the other person's fault, I am deceived.  And, lets be clear, I am frequently deceived.  I get so focused on how wrong they are, on what a clear case there is to be made against them, on the nodding of heads from my supporters when I report the offense, that for one, I can't see my own self-righteousness.  I am so focused on my rightness, my victim-ness, that I cannot see the situation is also revealing where Jesus is absent in my heart (the truth is not in me) and my perceived need for His rescue even from my own sense of innocense is almost zero.

Innocense is really the problem. I genuinely believe myself to be innocent most of the time.  Even if I know that technically I wasn't perfect, the circumstances clearly explain why I did what I did and who after all could blame me?  The more determined my will and heart become to stand on my own innocense, the less in need they are of standing on the innocense of Jesus alone.  It's why my stories of conflict always paint me in the most innocent light and the other party as treacherous villains.  I can't see myself as the party involved sees me at all, which likely, isn't in the same innocent light I like to imagine.

Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.  Matthew 21:31-32

Its popular to talk about how Jesus is a lover of the prostitutes and tax collectors, but I forget to look at why they were lovers of Him.  They had less deception about their status in His eyes.  They wore their sin publicly and their shame was always before them.  I on the other hand, not a prostitute or thief, feel pretty good about my self.  The truth is not in me when I cannot recognize how indebted I actually am and what shame should be felt by the condition of my heart.  The way of righteousness isn't through my external rightness but through the perfect, completed law fulfillment of Jesus.  I can't add to that, but like the Pharisees of Jesus day, I just refuse to believe that my righteousness is from Jesus alone and not my own law abiding self.

Why is it so hard for me to really see the details of my "sin", "debt" and other general words I use to check confession off my list without really feeling the sting of it?  I think it has to be because I don't really believe I'm all that in need of redemption which itself is because I actually believe I'm really close to innocent most of the time.  I think it also has to do with the fact that I don't really trust He has credited me with His righteousness and taken all of the details of my sin.  If His innocense isn't enough, than I have to increase mine.  If my guilt isn't so much, my need for Him to handle it decreases.

See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.  Hebrews 3:12-13

Because I do have a sinful, unbelieving heart that is not just "prone to wander" but actively turns away from desperate need for the living God throughout the course of any given day, I need to be encouraged daily to see my need and believe that He meets it fully.  There are no middle-class believers, no pulled up from our boot straps spiritual giants, no self-made Jesus images.  My deep down belief, inherited from Adam and Eve, that I can be my own god and can be considered blameless by my own good deeds and good intentions places me in greater debt than the ugliness I deny already had me.  May I see this more clearly today, and replace my unbelief with trust in the One who has covered my shame (so I don't have to deny it anymore) and replaced it with His righteousness.

However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. David says the same thing when he speaks of the blessedness of the man to whom God credits righteousness apart from works:

"Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man
whose sin the Lord will never count against him."  Romans 4:5-8

Be Anxious For...

That ol' verse from Phillipians that we like to quote...how does it go?  "Be anxious for everything?"  No, that can't be it.  "Be anxious for some things?"  Well, that only seems natural and reasonable.  "Be anxoius for the important things, the godly things!"  Yes, that must be it!  At least, that is, according to the way I live and according to multiple scenarios I have encountered this very week.

Sure, I have a sense that God says not to sweat the small stuff (or was that from a cocktail napkin?)  My grandmother always reminded me that "this too shall pass."  Ahh.  But what about when the small stuff has long term consequences?  What about the times when this too doesn't pass but just keeps getting worse?  Anxiety is only natural and makes sense because if the outcome is different than we "know it should be", certain doom is inevitable...right?

Perhaps its the lure of power that makes cynicism such an effective authority.  Perhaps its our great fear of hearing "I told you so" from someone else that makes suspicion so delicious to us.  But at the root of these masterful manipulators, if I can look honestly and closely at my heart, is unbelief.  I do not really believe that God is in control of every single detail, including my foolishness, blindness and error.  So, of course I am anxious because if He is not in control even of that, that leaves my future, my well being, and the well being of the world around me in MY hands, my decision making, my acting perfectly and speaking perfectly and thinking perfectly and feeling perfectly.

For by now I could have stretched out my hand and struck you and your people with a plague that would have wiped you off the earth. But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. Exodus 9:15-16

God raised Pharaoh up for the very purpose of using Him to demonstrate His power to rescue.  Pharaoh thought he was standing against God, but even his intended rebellion served God's redemptive plans.  God inteded that Joseph's brothers, generations earlier, should foreshadow the wicked treatment of the very one who would rescue their lives.  From their perspective, it was their scheme.  From God's vantage point and plan, it was a progressive revelation of His story of ultimate redemption.  Wicked men put Jesus to death on the cross, but they did it because God planned it before creation to redeem all of creation according to His purposes.  Do I really think my foolishness can do what Pharaoh's could not?  What Jonah's could not?  What David's, Paul's and the Pharisees could not?  Oh but even so, panic is so much more alluring than peace.  Something seems so much wiser about urgent, fearful distress than peaceful trust in the One who shuts a door no man can open and who opens doors no man can shut. Rev. 3:7
 
In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:17-19

Why do we trust our fears so much more than the One in whom there is no fear?  Why do we act on our "insights" if they stir up panic, suspicion and fear when there is no genuine doom that can befall those whose punishment has already been taken?  "But wait!" cries my inner-Pharisee.  "Actions have consequences and you can't be saying that our actions don't matter!"  Of course they do, the Gospel responds, but there is no consequence that falls outside of God's redemptive purposes and no benefit that I receive by anything other than God's grace (the person and work of Jesus) working itself out even in my obedience.

This week I have been tortured by a commercial on the radio for a Christian conference which will expose all the ways our government is threatening to ruin our children's futures and rob us of all our entitled freedoms.  I also heard about an anxious and extended prayer meeting last week regarding the Health Care legislation and had a conversation with a friend concerned about another friend's social choices.  In each scenario, godly intention seemed soaked with fear and panic.  "If 'x' happens, our life as we know it is sure to be filled with weeping and gnashing of teeth."  Fear is so powerful and feels so wise because it tempts me to believe that by my insightfulness and attempts at omniscience, I can steer my future to sorrowless islands and a life of safety and ease.

Is the goal of my life to get to that island and paddle everyone who threatens my safe passage?  Or, is He doing something so much better, so much more interesting, so very much more life-giving in transforming my heart and my very being into a clearer image of Himself?  Is there any circumstance or "consequence" that can thwart that?  Is there any circumstance or "consequence" that can't be a tool in that beautiful process?  And THAT is why I can be anxious for nothing, as God commands, because there is no action or reaction in my life which falls outside of His redemptive purposes and power.  The goal of redemption isn't a certain kind of earthly government, or a conflict free marriage, or financial prudence and prosperity but to be transformed into His image which happens through conflict, under any type of government, even in poverty and prison just as much, if not in some cases more so than, the life of luxury and ease I think I should have instead.

I Want You to Want Me, I Need You to Need Me, I Love You to Love Me

There are certain groups of people I really identify with and am engaged by (mentally, emotionally, spiritually) and others who seem to render me mute, weary and even kind of bummed after I've been with them.  My answer to this, at one point, would have been to minimize the time with the life-suckers and increase the time I spend with the life-givers.  Oh how glad I am that this is not Jesus' guiding principle for interacting with people!

My philosophy is so counter to the Gospel for at least a few reasons:  1. it looks for life in people/relationships, 2. the purpose of those relationships/interactions is entirely self-centered, and 3. I cannot genuinely love well when having my needs met is front and center for those interactions.

1.  You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life. John 5:39-40 
When I go to spend time with people, whether its my husband or my family or a dinner party of some sort, inevitably I guage my excitement on going and assess the value of the time after the fact, by the way it "fed" me.  I can't tell you how increasingly often I leave being with people and feel disappointed, out of sorts or just worn out.  This is because, even though subconsciously, I am looking for people to fill me with life when it can only be found in Jesus.  When they don't feed my need to be engaged, agreed with, inspired, or in some other way filled up from our time together, I am left short.  All the while, they were never not ever able nor intended to be the source of life to begin with!

2.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Phil. 2:3-4  When I am approaching a gathering of people, whether it be one other person or a large party, from the perspective of my comfort level, my "fitting in", my receiving life or losing it from those I am with, my focus is entirely self-absorbed.  The people around me and their needs, interests and lives are only secondary to my own and judged in relation to me and mine.  Jesus did not serve, interact with nor give of Himself because there was something missing within Him that needed to be filled by those people.  Because He was full of Life, He could give.  He didn't need to be served by the respect, admiration, agreement, or whatever we demand from others, but instead could serve them because all these needs were already fully met in Him by the Father.

3.  If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. Luke 6:32-34

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. John 15:12

No matter how I want to talk about "unconditionally loving" others, its just not true.  When people's responses to me directly impact my response to them (make me withdraw, make me snap back at them, make me harbor bitterness toward them, etc.), this is a direct indication that my love toward them is extremely conditional.  I don't want it to be, but it is.  Jesus does not withdraw from me when I shut Him out, get angry with Him or don't believe Him.  He doesn't snap at me in frustration and irritation nor does He harbor warranted bitterness toward me.  His love for me is not based on me but entirely on Him.

When I only run to be with people who make me feel validated, respected, loved, this is not loving them as Jesus loves me.  This is using people to meet my needs as only Jesus in His fullness can fill me.  Oh life suck that I am, would I begin to experience what it is to find life in Him alone so that I could love others better and more unconditionally.

Vote of Confidence

On the few occasions I have gone hiking in a tick heavy woods, the immediate task upon completion of the hike is to search each person's scalp for ticks and to help search one another for those little blood suckers in places they may be hiding.  I've used this analogy before, but I like it because its so obvious.  Nobody minds being surveyed for those little parasites and welcomes the searching eye of friends and family.  And yet, with those far worse parasites in our hearts, the things which obscure my view of the grace in which I now stand and hold me hostage to fear, shame, self-righteousness and depression, I don't want anyone poking around and seeing that!

Today, Scotty wrote this:  Help me and my friends know how to hold each other accountable for believing the gospel, Lord Jesus. Help us to take each other’s heart-struggles seriously. Help us never to minimize nor marginalize the deceitfulness and hardening power of sin. Help us know how to preach the gospel to our own hearts daily, and to each other’s hearts increasingly, until Today gives way to the Day.

I've always been afraid of "rebuke" because it implies condemnation, rejection, failure, shame and even isolation.  But, really, it's as Scotty says, holding "each other accountable for believing the gospel."  Its replacing areas of shame and blindness with the covering of His perfect righteousness and sight!  And that is GOOD news. 

The privilege of friends who will help you see where you are not believing who God says He is, not believing the grace that places us confidently in His cherishing gaze, not believing the Fatherhood that always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres but instead foolishly living like an orphan in self-reliant survival is another gift of the Gospel.  A strong area of that unbelief was searched out by dear friends last night.

When we think of idols, we usually think first of Baal and other material, man-made creations.  Next we might think of money.  We rarely picture our spouse, our children, or friends.  But people are our idols of choice.  They pre-date Baal, money, and power.  Like all idols, people are created things, not the Creator (Rom. 1:25), and they do not deserve our worship.  They are worshipped because we perceive that they have power to give us something.  We think they can bless us.  (Ed Welch, When People are Big and God is Small, p45)

I have always risen and fallen (in confidence, energy, joy, peace, etc.) from the "vote of confidence" of people, particularly people who I respect and whose opinions I genuinely value.  It's more specific than just generic people pleasing or need for approval, because these are not always the case. My security or feeling of stability is comfortable with disagreement on a particular topic but totally undone when the disagreement is with me, the person behind the topic.  I have a high need to be believed in, even if not agreed with on every point.  This is the very dangerous place a president finds himself when the opinion polls start to influence his decision making.  Subtly and below the surface where I am not even aware of it, I become driven to attain public approval even while I am not consciously aware that I really care what people think.

In reference to the leaders in Jesus' day who struggled to fully and openly believe, John 12:43 explains, "for they loved praise from men more than praise from God."  This is me!  God has promised me over and over from Genesis-Revelation that I have His vote of confidence, not because of my own cute little self, but because of the reliability of the work of Jesus for me which is certain to be worked out fully in me in His time by His power.  Yet, as Ed Welch also wrote, "The praise of others - that wisp of a breeze that lasts for a moment - can seem more glorious to us than the praise of God." (p40)  It is more than simply people pleasing, it is fear of man rather than fear of God.  It is greater confidence in man's judgment (opinion, assessment, respect, enjoyment, cherishing, etc.) of me than in God's judgment of me.

And here is where my loving Gospel friendships can help me believe the Gospel more:  man's judgment of me is almost always strictly based on law, whether it be God's Law or any of our limitless new laws of the moment (appearance standards, cultural vocabulary, dietary choices, entertainment favorites, parenting practices, etc.) whereas God judges through the completed work of Jesus.  We usually only see where we (and others) fail to meet God's righteous requirements but neglect seeing and showing each other where Jesus has met every letter of these requirements and credited it to us.  He is just and the One who justifies while we tend to neglect one for the other.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us...Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.  For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:31-34, 1-4

What this is not saying is that magically everything I do is pure, perfect and praiseworthy.  What it is saying is that everything He has done is.  And it is upon His merit that I stand before God approved, cherished, adored, respected and with an undefeatable vote of confidence.  This is the grace in which I now stand.  This is the confidence I have even as I justly (or occasionally unjustly) receive the disapproval of people.  The Gospel will free me, eventually, from riding the waves of confidence from people and bring me to believe that "such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:4-5

Oh how I look forward to that Day when I will be able say from experience the words of Jeremiah:
But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. 17:7-8

When Bad Things Happen

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Matthew 10:28-30

No matter how developed our theology of suffering, its really hard for us to shake off the notion that life "happens" to us and around us or even, most arrogantly, because of us.  Good stuff seems to be just happening here and bad stuff seems to just happen more there.  Stay here, better chance of good stuff.  Go there, higher chance of bad stuff.  That word chance, while perhaps not conscious, is equally informing how we view the circumstances of our lives.  Its like a perfect storm of unbiblical theology:  that we can avoid all suffering by our self-righteous doing and choosing and the bad stuff is either our failure to live "rightly" or a product of bad luck, wrong place at the wrong time.  Once again, conspicuously missing: the person and work of Jesus and how the entire Story is directed by and toward Him.

Just a few Biblical examples:
Joseph, who was treated wickedly by his brothers followed by false accusations and imprisonment, explained, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."  Gen. 50:20  What looked simply like meanness was in fact part of God's plan to save the lives of His people.  Their actions were indeed called wicked, but were a crucial part of God's redemptive story...and a bit of a foreshadowing of the wickedness toward Jesus that was absolutely necessary for the redemption of the world.  "This man was handed over to you by God's set purpose and foreknowledge; and you, with the help of wicked men, put him to death by nailing him to the cross."  Acts 2:23

Job, after great suffering, realized how small his understanding of God had been before the suffering.  His suffering was despite his own righteousness but was to draw him deeper into his knowledge of God, dependence upon God and trust in God's purposes and control of all things.  I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. Job 42:2

See, here is what I really think most of the time:  God intends for me to be safe and happy so when my safety is threatened or my happiness is out of reach, something is thwarting God's plan.  To say otherwise would be to believe in a mean God or one who is distant and unloving.  I am left with a God who is either not all powerful or not all loving.  Because, I assume, the greatest love would be for God to move me from birth to death without ever feeling any pain, enduring any hardship or experiencing struggle of any kind?  You can't even grow a physical muscle this way, least to say a heart that looks anything like God's.

My heart would be so entangled in my kingdom of me that I would have no genuine love for others, only the self-serving demands to use others (and God) for my own pleasures.  I need to be rescued from my own inclination to be my own god, serving my own reign and glory above all else.  This is God's story of redemption for His whole creation.

Once God begins to tune my heart to sing His praise, to seek His face, to know Him more truly and fully, my circumstances become something different altogether.  No longer are they are an end in themselves, a collection of random "happenings" that I am to endure, survive or at times enjoy as I wait to be with Him after death.  Suddenly, they are the classroom in which I see Him more clearly, believe His goodness, love, presence and sovereignty more genuinely.

That fiery furnace isn't what consumes me but His secure and trustworthy presence with me in it and His control over its physical effect on me.  The stinky fish belly isn't the point of the story, but how even when my physical safety is threatened, my heart can be changed and His will which I wanted to refuse is not thwarted by my sin and His grace is communicated to others.  The prison doesn't prove or disprove my faithfulness but is another arena in which to see the truth of His righteousness, His faithfulness and to communicate His freedom.  The most abusive path to the cross, the greatest disrespect and hatred heaped on a person followed by an excruciating death no longer becomes an excuse to question God's goodness, love and presence but a place to see that no evil can thwart His plans, man's greatest wickedness cannot overpower God's redemption and renewal of all things.

His redemptive purposes behind every single circumstance give us confidence to hope in our groaning.  We can call the suffering bad, even wicked, all the while knowing God intends it for good.  (We can weep at the tomb of Lazarus because brokenness should be grieved and mourned!)  I can also trust that no suffering just happens because I am in the wrong place at the wrong time or because I could have avoided it with a better decision.  The suffering that I can connect directly to my sin and the suffering that I can attribute to a broken and fallen world is no longer a final word of condemnation and doom but a redemptive part of conforming my heart more into His image and making my heart less absorbed with my own.

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13  (The sufferings of Jesus are both His undeserved suffering and the payment for my sin which I did deserve but He endured on my behalf.  There is no suffering which does not fall under this redemptive paradigm.)

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:1-4

Oh that I may have confidence to sob on His shoulder outside of Lazarus' tomb because I am genuinely comforted by believing and trusting that something as seemingly insignifant as a single sparrow falling to the ground cannot "happen" unless it is the will of the Father.

This post dedicated with a shout out to my friend B, an embodiment of the grace given us.

The Grace in Ambiguity

In a group with close friends, we've been talking about God's gift of ambiguity, and perhaps by definition of the topic itself, there will never be closure on that discussion.  Maybe its my ADD, more likely its my need for control, but clarity and definable terms are of high value to me.  Those paper assignments in high school that were sort of wide open were very unpleasant and caused quite a bit of anxiety.  I just wanted to know what the teacher wanted and the exact parameters for accomplishing his or her intended goals.  I love mission statements and strategic plans.  Check-off lists and schedules make me feel secure and confident and there is nothing more intoxicating than to be handed a new binder with labeled sections and all sorts of color coded resources ordered inside.

But it seems that my having a handle on God's work in and through my life is not of the same high value to God's purposes as it is to my comfort zone:
Then Jesus asked, "What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air perched in its branches." Again he asked, "What shall I compare the kingdom of God to? It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into a large amount of flour until it worked all through the dough." Luke 13:18-21

A tree growing or yeast making its way through dough is not really visible as it is happening.  A lot of work is taking place, but the visibility would only be possible with a time lapse camera.  The Kingdom of God is growing in the hearts of believers, by faith given as a gift from God, by the power of the Spirit also given as a gift.  There is no strategic plan or mission statement that will help any of these processes speed up or occur more effeciently.  Those just give us a vain perception of being in control (which we are not) and ultimately a false security in our own righteous achievements (rather than total reliance on the righteous accomplishments of Jesus alone).

Once, having been asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, "The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the kingdom of God is within you." Luke 17:20-21

These are ambiguous terms for a reason.  I am not in charge of God's Kingdom coming, in my heart or anyone else's.  I can't grab hold of it and force it to do my will in my timing.  While I constantly want to find answers to "what is my role?" or "where do I fit with this person or that group?", God does not need for me to know in order for Him to grow His Kingdom in and through me.  He knows my role in His story with His people, and He will be certain that I am used to the glory of His story.  It's not really my problem.

So, I am left with the uncomfortable ambiguity and frequent feeling of "lostness".  That, it seems, is exactly where He wants me.  In those moments when I most want to cling to a ten-year-plan, a definable position or title, a clarifed relationship to my particular friends and community, He is asking me to cling to Him alone.  If my identity is in Him alone, what do I need with a title?  If my righteousness is in His completed fulfillment of the Law, what more do I receive by a completed to-do list?  If the creator of the universe is also the Lover of my soul, what need is still lacking that I should demand it be met by the people around me instead of finding it in relationship with Him alone? 

He is asking me to trust Him with the plan, with the script, with the days and with my very being.  Rather than my measurable strategic plans, my accomplishment check lists, and all my varied means of justifying my daily existence, He is asking me to look to Him alone, be measured by Him alone and to have my existence justified by His accomplished work alone as it begins to grow His Kingdom in my heart and through my heart.

Here is what Paul Miller wrote about ambiguity:
Jesus' ambiguity with us creates the space not only for him to emerge but us as well.  If the miracle comes too quickly, there is no room for discovery, for relationship...The waiting that is the essence of faith provides the context for relationship.  Faith and relationship are interwoven in dance...When God seems silent and our prayers go unanswered, the overwhelming temptation is to leave leave the story - to walk out of the desert and attempt to create a normal life.  But when we persist in a spiritual vacuum, when we hang in there during ambiguity, we get to know God. (A Praying Life p190-192)


Oh would I not keep "attempting to create a normal life" by my measurable, tangible standards, but rather receive Life from the author and giver of it - on His terms, in His timing, by His power and with trust in His redemptive plan and not my own.

Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. Luke 17:3

Nothing

Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.  Gen. 1:2

Besides the fact that it is spring break and I am having days full of time with my children (and void of solitude), I have also found myself in that "nowhere" place emotionally and intellectually.  I haven't been particularly stirred about one concept over another and I haven't felt that clarity of thought brought on by emotions or relational interactions.  I've just been in that nowhere land with nothing much to say about it.  To write, you've got to have something to say, so, I haven't written.

And then the question came to me, "Is this a moment of life about which the Gospel is silent?"  And of course, the answer is no.  The person and work of Jesus is not limited to razzle dazzle moments, big stories and witty one-liners. The great Story begins, in fact, with nothing.  God made everything out of nothing, something that nobody since has been able to do.

The Israelites in the wilderness had nothing to eat and then God fed them bread from heaven.  The people in the wilderness who had come to hear Jesus teach had nothing to eat, so He fed them from nearly nothing and offered Himself, the bread from heaven illustrated generations earlier among the Israelites.  Mary was told that nothing is impossible with God and we are told that we can do nothing apart from Him.  "Nothing" is a common concept in this Gospel story.

"Nothing in my hands I bring, only to the cross I cling..." we sing on occasional Sundays.  And yet, I am so uncomfortable with "nothing".  I want to offer something, provide something, contribute something.  I want to be praised for something, commended for something, respected for something, followed for something.  I want to be remembered for something.  But He commands that my part be nothing so that the person and work of Jesus may be everything.  We're not splitting it 50/50, 40/60 or even 10/90.

I gave you empty stomachs in every city and lack of bread in every town, yet you have not returned to me," declares the LORD. Amos 4:6
 
What will I do with this nothingness?  Typically, I'll try to fill it with my own ideas, resources, plans and dreams.  But what if I learn to do nothing with those feelings of nothingness, those moments of "nowhereness" and instead, trust that He has plans for it, has initiated it, and will indeed raise Himself up in it?  What if, in contrast with the rockstar arena I prefer, its in my nothingness that He becomes everything?

The Pharisee in Me

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:9-14

Thank you Lord that I buy organic, that we almost never eat at McDonald's, that my children go to bed early every night/that my children have fun with us staying up late every night, that I vote Democrat/Republican, that we only listen to Christian music/that I only listen to NPR, that I only read novels/that I only read People magazine, that we never turn the t.v. on/know every reality show character by name, that I never drink/enjoy a glass of wine every night, that I am adopting an orphan/am at peace with being single and childless...

I can make a new law out of just about anything.  And its interesting, just like the Pharisee, my thankfulness before God is entirely about my behavior and God's certain pleasure with it and says nothing about what God has done for me nor my ongoing need for Him.  Nowhere in the Pharisee's prayer does he mention heart issues that God has identified and begun to change.  Nowhere is there is any real sense of his need of God or redemption of any kind.

The tax collector, in contrast, simply prays, "Lord have mercy on me!"  I don't often pray this nor express this need before others because, well, I'm doing so much "right".  Before I know it, my right-ness in all those things really starts to impress me and next thing you know, I'm praying in chorus with that Pharisee.  "Lord, thank you that I..."

"Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34

No matter how many Easters I have celebrated, nor how many Good Fridays I have contemplated, I still know not what I do.  I exchange worship of my Creator for worship of created things (Rom. 1), deny that I really have need of His forgiveness this very day and very hour (1 John 1:8), and I try to complete what He began through His Spirit by my own power rather than utter reliance on His (Gal. 3).

For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge. Since they did not know the righteousness that comes from God and sought to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. Romans 10:2-3

Why do I keep looking for right-ness in everything other than the person and work of Jesus?  I feel right about my life if I am doing...I feel right about this very day if I made it through without doing...I feel right in this relationship if...I feel right about my place in this group if...I feel right as a mom/wife/sister/daughter/friend/neighbor if I said/did/helped/gave/listened...I feel right as God's child if I...

Just like the Pharisee, my feeling "righteous" has at its focus ME, what I have done, said or not done or not said.  Once again, the person and work of Jesus (and my desperate need for His righteousness alone) is conspicuously missing.  When I'm not feeling right because I didn't do "x" or foolishly did do "y" or bitingly said "z" or left unsaid something that should have been voiced, where is the Gospel in that?  The person and work of Jesus is all over it!  Its that "off" feeling, that failed or humiliated or shamed feeling that reminds me to cry out "Have mercy on me, the sinner!"  Sometimes, a good starting place might have to be, "Lord, have mercy on me the Pharisee..."

And oh how merciful He is!

For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath. Deuteronomy 4:31

Superstitious Hearts

Chad has recently moved from being consumed with talk of Star Wars to talk of Bakugans, those little round transormer like toys.  They are a part of some strategic game where you battle with your little figures to rescue the world from other Japenese anime characters who have absorbed too much power or something.  There are special cards titled things like chaos of darkeness and face of rage that can help you out in the battle.  What's a good Christian parent to do?

According to the online chatter, that feeling of a cold chill should be adhered to, taken as a warning before your little ones are snatched away by the Devil's wily ways.  (And, there is even a character whose name means "Devil"!)  We, the children of the 80's know what happens when you play too much Dungeons and Dragons...you become a mass murderer!  Is there something magical (as in dark magic) oozing out of the game, swirling around the minds and hearts of the players like a green mist in a Disney movie?  It seems to brainwash children, leaving them doomed to darkness while their parents watch powerlessly, lamenting they ever let the game in the house.

Really?  That doesn't sound like anything I've ever read in the Bible about Satan nor God's work in His creation.  Adam and Eve weren't hypnotized and therefore rendered powerless against the schemes of God's enemy.  They weren't blameless victims of voo doo or sorcery.  The serpent simply got them to follow their hearts, which were inclined to be their own gods, decide for themselves what was right and wrong and control their world on their own.  It wasn't mystical but quite the natural progression of looking for power, knowledge and life apart from the only One who is omnipotent, omniscient and the author and sustainer of life.  And, I'm pretty sure we adult Christians are just as susceptible to this even at church as with any board game.

The dangers in these games are no scarrier than the dangers in a mall or a bar or a board room nor any less serious than our false sense of righteousness and security in our Chrsitian activity rather than in the person and work of Jesus alone.  Its the lure to be our own God, to deserve our own awards' banquet, to control other people, to be worshipped by our own universe, to determine for ourselves what is right and what is wrong that leads us all to grab that fruit from the tree with all its empty promises.  Sin isn't external, like the swine flu you might catch outside your home.  Its a heart issue and is exposed by those things which tempt us most, but it isn't created by them.

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. Proverbs 29:25

Satan has no power over humanity that God hasn't permitted (read Job).  They are not equals in a ying yang sort of tension.  We, the created beings, can't resist him with our own superstitious approaches to Christianity (shout this verse at him loudly with enough passion), as if the future of our souls (and the power for their rescue and redemption) rests in our fight and determintion.  Where is the person and work of Jesus in that?  Did He step out for a coffee break?  Is there a sphere of life where He is excluded or impotent?

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

The insidiousness of the powers of darkness isn't in some magical alien activity that might happen in children's toys but its in the very realm of the human heart.  So simple yet so elusive.  And the solution isn't in running away and screaming or reciting verses like incantations and garlic necklaces, but in the completed work of Jesus who has already defeated the enemy.  The danger to Chad's heart in whatever the latest gaming craze happens to be isn't in the names of the characters but in whatever way his heart is encouraged to believe he can control the outcome of life's circumstances if he just comes up with the right strategy. 

Our grown up games are no different - we look for the power to overcome overeating or smoking in every strategy available before asking God to reveal our heart's motives behind those addictions and for His power to change.  When marriage gets tough, we want a verdict of doom on the other person far more than we want our own hearts to be changed and our faith to be grown.  When the demands of my job feel impossible, I look for a new job or someone to sympathize with my case far more quickly than I ask God to examine my heart for the cause of my suffering and how His person and work will respond to it.  Just like Bakugan or the Garden, the power of the serpent's temptation isn't some superstitious, green misty force but is found in my very own heart's desire to trust my strategies rather than my Creator, Redeemer, King and Abba Father.

"Do not call conspiracy everything that these people call conspiracy; do not fear what they fear,
and do not dread it. The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread,..."  Is. 8:12-13

Where Are You?

The Garden.  It gets referenced here and there in our Bible studies.  We're not exactly sure what to make of it, how it exactly fits, if we really have to commit to it given the controversies that surround it.  But then, we learn the Story of the Gardener, that the first Garden just like the first Adam were merely shadows of better things to come.  Though they were just shadows, they were entirely necessary as they provided the plot, setting, and characters for the whole story.

The Gardener, like anyone passionate about their property and enterprise, has a thriving harvest in mind.  To get the farm, if you will, from seed to harvest, a lot of work is involved and no genetically modified or mass produced or processed imitation foods taste nearly as scrumptious and full of flavor as the fully ripened, slow grown, real stuff.  A microwave dinner doesn't compare to a slow cooker roast.

But, the serpent effectively cultivated the cynicism, skepticism and extreme arrogance of Adam and Eve and continues with the rest of us who are God's children, persuading us all that we could farm ourselves independently, be our own Farmer and that to be farmed was a fool's game.  So they ate and discovered they weren't the blue ribbon fruit and vegetables that moments ago they had come to believe.  They'd jumped off the vine (just as I do) before it was time and no brown paper bag on the kitchen counter could ripen them effectively, but it might be useful for hiding themselves.

I also thought, "As for men, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. Eccles. 3:18

The "test" of the fruit tree wasn't to inform God of something He didn't know, but like all of God's redemptive testing, provided the diagnostic feedback for His people to see the truth about who they are and why it is that life is found in no other source but their creator.

"Where are you?"  God wasn't bad at hide n'seek.  He was drawing them out from their hiding place and back into His company.  His gardening wasn't completed nor remotely thwarted.  This too was part of the process of bringing the shadows to their fullest realities, of bringing the seeds to harvest, of bringing the Seed to ultimate glory.  He grafted them back onto Himself, as He would continue to do for generations. 

He is such a master gardener.  He doesn't go stomping around His Garden, crushing seedlings, wrecklessly weeding and damaging His crop.  He gently removes the rocks, turns the soil, fertilizes and waters.  Like Aslan, His song ushers His harvest into existence and breathes life into fatally wounded branches.  The fruit of His vine will ripen and flourish, but it can't skip the tilling and the heat to do so.

I have tangibly felt this thorough Gardening lately.  Where are you?  He has to ask because I often don't even realize I've jumped off the vine!  The gravitational pull behind yet another tree is so familiar its not until He asks that I realize I'm back there again.  He asks not because He can't see me but because I can't even see that I'm hiding.  Those vulnerable moments of peeking out from behind the tree, so suddenly and shamefully aware of my nakedness that I'd never noticed before, also awakens in me a renewed awareness of His life that I hadn't realized I was missing.  As I step out, feeling vulnerable and having no idea what will happen next, He covers me in the soft, warm security of Himself.  Yes, even that is a part of my ripening process, that one day a harvest will be reaped because He won't give up.

Oh that more and more where we don't even know we are hiding we could hear Him ask, "Where are you?"

 Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?  John 4:29

This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.  I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.'  Ezek. 37:5-6

All About You, Who?

Last weekend, thanks to the generosity of Terrell's parents' babysitting and our friends's lake home, Terrell and I had just under 48 hours of time alone together.  We packed random food, threw in clothes that would keep us from being too cold in the mountains and had a few other things like a guitar, laptop and movie to enjoy while there.  It didn't really matter what we ate, though, or what we wore, because the point of the weekend was finally having uninterrupted time together.  Eating our meals was just another time to be together, the diappointing movie was simply another shared experience and a slightly treacherous run up icy, muddy, rediculously steep roads was quite bonding if not much in the way of real exercise.

Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.  John 17:3

I continue to live as if eternal life is later...something in the distant future, intangible and ethereal.  Yet, nowhere is that the way it is presented in the story of redemption.  Yes, there are greater things to come for certain and the good things now are simply appetizers, commercials or shadows of their fuller realities.  But if eternal life is life, if the life Jesus brings is abundant and that eternal and abundant life is knowing Him...well, that is now.

What this means is that I have to see everything differently than my natural eyes are inclined to perceive.  To make the weekend away with Terrell all about the food we eat or the clothes we packed would be to miss the whole point of the weekend!  To get bent out of shape because the run was painful or the movie a waste of two good hours of our lives would have been to miss knowing Terrell in those moments...his patience, his relaxed nature, his enjoyment of the time simply because we got to be together in it.  The car ride wasn't the point, the visiting and being together in the car was.  The style of the cabin didn't matter but sharing that space together, talking without interruption or hurry, knowing each other better regardless of interior decorating or furniture placement.

The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, so we say.  "Knowing you, Jesus, knowing You, there is no greater thing..."  Really?  That is just now how I really live.  Knowing Jesus, practically speaking, becomes having my own personal "Yes man", on call handiman, stockbroker and waiter.  When I am sick He is supposed to heal me immediately, when I am poor He is supposed to fill up the coffers to prove His faithfulness to me, when I register a complaint I expect Him to see that the problem is resolved quickly and when the line is really long, well, if Disney can provide one of those express line passes, surely He can! 

When will I move beyond knowing God simply as my Sugar Daddy, as Scotty says, and instead as the Author of Life?  When will I begin to treasure waiting, like a car ride with Terrell, because it give me more time to know Him better, trust Him more and belive what I haven't yet?  When will the paradigm of the purpose of my day today shift from a vacation to be critiqued and improved to moments crafted by His design to know Him more intimately, genuinely and fully? 

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Phil. 3:10-11


Do you know why I can't see this as the goal and meaning of every moment?  Because I think I already do.  I think, even as I sing "Its all about you, Jesus", that I really believe that.  But like Job, my own dismay and even despair over relational disconnect, illness, natural disasters, my own sin and the sins of others tells of a different reality.  Like Job and his friends, I search my faithfulness to God for the value of my life, I search my health and prosperity for my sense of peace and well-being, I trust my understanding and experiences as the standard of truth.  Like Job, I need to begin to see every detail of my circumstances as the means by which He makes Himself known to me and grows my faith in what is true about Who He is.  It is not the escape, the healing, the provision or even the blessing in which my soul will find its greatest satisfaction but in finally knowing God's very tangible presence in the Garden, in the flood, in the wilderness, in slavery, through the waters, in the desert, in the furnace, through the valley of the shadow of death, on the road to Emmaeus...
 
You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.'
My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.  Job 42:4-5