Monday, August 30, 2010

Coexist, Crush or Be Changed and Reconciled

Yesterday, Walter mentioned that bumper sticker that I actually see with some regularity.  It has the word "coexist" written using all the different religious symbols which people might claim as their own.  He referenced it as a good thing that we should all be able to live together without killing each other, but that we should want more than that.  For example, if I were to describe my marriage as a situation where Terrell and I "coexist", I hope you would find that sad.  A marriage where two people coexist may at best indicate a lack of bickering, but it also implies not really interacting much at all.  I picture a death occurring in the house but people just step over the body to get a cup of coffee, some essential part of their humanity lost in the numbness.  To coexist seems to indicate parallel lives, not raucous celebrations or knock-down-drag-out fights either, just shared space.  I find it interesting that on the whole, we as human beings seem to prefer a state of coma-like existence to any scenario which might provoke disagreement or a disruption, even if it means a home or community or church full of dead bodies. 

For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost. Luke 19:10

For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— Col. 1:19-22

For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.  2 Cor. 5:14-19

Look at this pattern of the Gospel which pushes me past being satisfied with coexistence to something more vibrant, more dynamic, more disruptive and more life giving!  He has pursued me to reconcile me to Himself, not because I am so winsome, but because the fullness of God's character, plan and redemptive purpose prescribe it.  So, when I settle for "peace faking" in my relationships rather than enter the mess of genuine peace making, I am settling for something less than God is content to do with me.  His love compels me, not as a new law but only as a product of His Spirit at work within me, to live a life of reconciliation with those who are as equally in need of His mercy and forgiveness and grace as I am.

And then the pendulum swings to the other side and snares me almost every time - the person and work of Jesus not only calls me out of sleep walking, but asks that I extend the same patience, compassion and love to others that He extends to me regularly.  What I mean is this:  I can get so exuberant about the Good News of Jesus' mercy extended to me that I can disdain anyone who doesn't see what very good news it is, nor that they need it.  Suddenly I become angry with those who may even oppose this grace I have been given, as if we just signed our own selves up for competing teams.  (How does my faith, for example, get tangled up and joined to political teams?)  Rather than coma-like, peace faking coexistence, my other tendency is to just want to crush those who are not lined up with every nuance of my thinking on every point.  Oh how grateful I am that this is not how Jesus deals with me!

But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.  Matt. 5:44-48

I love that the Gospel always offers me a third way.  Jesus isn't picking me for a team but calling me to Himself because apart from Him I can do nothing.  This third way is only possible because of the person and work of Jesus, both in His complete fulfillment of the Law on my behalf and His work in and through me now.  Do I believe what He said, that once I was His enemy (and sometimes keep trying to be!), or have I convinced myself otherwise?  Only when I see myself as the one who still does not see in full can I love genuinely the "enemy" or parallel living individual who also doesn't see Jesus clearly.  Only when I realize how deeply I need a Redeemer, not a set of core values, can I start hearing the same tunes being sung by the hearts of others who may not even realize their need nor that it has been met.  Reconciliation requires change, which God alone can effect in the hearts of men.  This change comes by His person and His work and invites me into something so much richer than merely a coexistence with or crushing of those around me.  Oh may I seek peace and pursue it, not by me natural means but with the same love, perseverance and sacrifice with which Jesus reconciled me to Himself.

Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called "uncircumcised" by those who call themselves "the circumcision" (that done in the body by the hands of men)— remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.  Eph. 2:11-18

Friday, August 27, 2010

Condemnation or Conviction?

In junior high, I had to read The Cross and the Switchblade by David Wilkerson.  It was a fascinating and inspiring story, for sure, and as I think of it now certainly far more shaping in my life than I've ever considered.  But, the reason I mention it today is that he uses this wonderful illustration from his grandfather about trying to feed and attract a stray dog.  He pictures a stray, perhaps even abused dog in an alley chewing on a rotting, old, overly consumed boned.  Should you walk up to that dog and try to grab the nasty bone from it, the dog would growl, bark and perhaps even get very aggressive with you.  However, if you instead lay a big, juicy lamb chop down on the ground, the dog will drop his worthless bone and come to the feast.

Men, why are you doing this? We too are only men, human like you. We are bringing you good news, telling you to turn from these worthless things to the living God, who made heaven and earth and sea and everything in them.  Acts 14:15

That illustration is such a helpful picture to me of the difference between accusation/condemnation and conviction from the Holy Spirit.  Condemnation looks at my sin, acknowledges it to be sin, and cares more about removing the comfort I've taken in the wrong thing than my heart's need to be comforted and saturated in the person and work of Jesus.  The Gospel comes in and sees my heart's need, acknowledges my sinful (and ultimately ineffective if not detrimental) way of trying to satisfying my need on my own, and offers me true comfort in Jesus.  Condemnation points it's finger at me.  Conviction points me to Jesus and the deep relief His completed work on my behalf promises.

Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance? Romans 2:2-4

Why am I quicker to judge a thirsty person drinking soft drinks than to offer them cold water?  What is the sick pleasure I receive in pointing out the failings and short comings of others rather than in offering them the juicy lamb chop of the person and work of Jesus instead?  (OK, so maybe not my future nickname for Jesus, but work with me here.)  When I am in conflict with someone, is it more important that I leave feeling exonerated for being more right in the given scenario or that we both leave with an even deeper assurance that it is in His rightness/righteousness alone that we both are dignified and exonerated, and the only basis for our requirement to love one another deeply.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

How has He loved me?  He has loved me with gentleness and patience, with compassion for my blindness and lack of understanding, with longsuffering even as I am the very one behind His own suffering, and with mercy and unmerited (by me) forgiveness.

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. 1 Peter 2:24

He loves me by bearing my wounds (both given and received) in His own body and heart.  How then am I to love others, even in conflict?  Do I care more about being right and grabbing that disease infested bone from them or do I care even more so that I offer them a Gospel feast that I need to eat with them?  How can I resist pointing a bony finger of condemnation at others and instead walk beside them to receive the grace and transformation we both need, and have both been given, together?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Gal. 5:22-25

I cannot do this.  I cannot love this way or even go through conflict this way.  It is against all of my natural instincts.  But thanks be to God who leads me, dwells in me and will fulfill His law of love through me...even if only in part for now.  His grace will be enough today.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Asking for a King

Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. Mark 10:43-44

Yesterday, when I picked Ellie up from school she asked, in a distant yet demanding voice, "Where are we going today?" to which I answered, "Home of course."  Her question annoyed me because it carried with it an expectation that we should have some elaborate plan for fun and entertainment at every turn.  Now of course, the follow up question to me as her parent should be, "And where did this expectation come from?"  Hmmm...perhaps the fact that this past weekend alone began with her brother's birthday party, followed by a friend's birthday party, followed by an overnight at Terrell's parents' which included going to see a movie, followed and finishing up with a "Back to School Bash" at Chad's school with pony rides, rock wall climbing, etc.  I guess the idea that we would simply go home after school would seem a little mundane and even awkward.  Is it any wonder that the heart of a child is so much quicker to demand to be served than to desire to serve?

I share that insatiable demand to be served, to have immediate attention given to every slight hunger and thirst I might feel as an adult, and I expect it from my church community, friends and family just as Ellie expects it from me.  This expectation that my family, friends, leaders, neighbors and acquaintances exist to "fill my love tank", to bandage my insecurities, and to serve my needs is something familiar and consistent in the biblical history of redemption.

So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah.  They said to him, "You are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways; now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other nations have."  But when they said, "Give us a king to lead us," this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the LORD.  And the LORD told him: "Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.  As they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you.  Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will do."  1 Sam. 8:4-9

Israel had a King, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  But the other nations had human leaders who would go before the people, fight their battles and tell them what to do.  I can only guess, going by my own tendency to prefer picking up the phone to kneeling in prayer, that a human leader felt more tangible, more manageable, and more immediate.  With the right corporate structure, the right strategic plan, the best practices implemented for rapid communication, things feel more in control to me than God's tendency to work more slowly, not answer every one of my questions and pretty much never spell out His strategic game plan for me.  Like Ellie's natural preference to be entertained, I prefer looking to people and structures to be human kings for my heart's protection and leadership than the King of Kings.

As Jesus' disciples fought for His life before His crucifixion, denied Him and then were left forlorn and scattered before encountering Him after the resurrection, it was quite clear they did not understand Who He really was nor His intended purpose.  They had their own plans for His life and they had their own vision for His kingship.

Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place." John 18:36

He said to them, "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?" And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.  Luke 24:25-27
 
Like God's own people in all of history, I too am slow of heart to believe the power, intimate love, protection and redemptive leadership of the person and work of Jesus and so I look for other kinds of kings.  The problem comes, though, not just in the looking but when I then take out my anger on my replacement kings for not being the King of Kings who I really need.  Just as the people's rejection of Samuel was actually a rejection of God's kingship, my own rejection of God's kingship plays out in a rejection of the people around me.  I cannot love my church, my leaders, my family or friends well when I go to them to be served rather than to serve.  The king I am choosing to worship and to whom my heart submits is quickly revealed by this very expectation that people in my life are supposed to serve me with roles that only God can fulfill.  Oh, would my heart be not merely satisfied with the better King, the only true King, but so engrossed in His Kingship that a true desire to serve those around me would overcome my demand to be served.  I need that kind of King and oh what very Good News that I have One!
 
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne
and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.  Is. 9:6-7

Monday, August 23, 2010

Gracious No

His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose which he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord. In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory. For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Eph. 3:10-19

I tend to associate the answer "yes" with being loved, valued, cherished, respected, wanted and favored.  I actually have the expectation that I will receive a "yes" to my requests and desires based on this assumption.  Lurking within this expectation and assumption is an equation between value and blessing, between my own loveliness and the favor shown me.  Understandably, when I receive a "no", it is startling, hurtful, and disorienting.  When I am not shown the unique favor of getting what my heart most wants, it throws my status as "special to God" or "beloved of the Lord" into deep question. Further more, if I follow all the rules, don't I deserve blessing?  (I do hope Gospel alarm bells go off as you read that one.)

Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. "Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Mark 14:35-36a

But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry.  He prayed to the LORD, "O LORD, is this not what I said when I was still at home? That is why I was so quick to flee to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.  Now, O LORD, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live." But the LORD replied, "Have you any right to be angry?" Jonah 4:1-4

Genesis 37-50 records the suffering and mistreatment of Joseph, at the hands of his own brothers and then of those into whose service he had been sold.  Like Jonah and ultimately Jesus, to whom all the stories point, the "blessing" of God was not simply relief for the individual but rescue for the nations.  God's favor on Joseph's life was not demonstrated by rescuing him immediately from the schemes of his brothers or the hardships of slave life in Egypt.  His favor was in using Joseph to rescue his entire family, the nation of Israel and the line of the promised Seed and ultimate Rescuer.  God's "no" to a quick and early rescue was a yes to a deeper love and commitment to all of His people, very much including Joseph.  This is the theme throughout redemptive history, culminating certainly in the cross.

Jesus is the only one ever in history to earn God's blessings.  He is the only righteous one, the only holy one, the only one never to have mixed motives, selfish ambition or vain conceit.  He is the only one to remain sinless from birth through death while all the rest of us have fallen short and continue to do so.  My blessing is entirely upon His righteousness which also means my hardships and disappointments must be entirely upon His goodness and redemptive work in and through my life.  He is not punishing my sin as if what Jesus did was not quite adequate and lacking.  He is purifying and completing me and all of His creation through suffering.  He is making something new and better than the Garden.  His not is not petty but purposeful.

So why does it still sting when the very noble desires of my heart are deferred or answered with "no"?  Why does it feel like rejection or neglect?  I don't actually have an answer to this, but I do have some guesses.  I think it may have something to do with an overestimation of my own righteousness and an underestimation of His deep, deep love.  How glad we are that Joseph was given endurance so that the line of Israel did not die in the famine.  How beautiful to see the inclusion of many nations, even through Ninevah, in the Old Testament to remind us it is not a New Testament concept but the plan from the beginning.  How grateful I am that Jesus did not walk away from the painful trial He had to endure so that we may have life.

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 2 Cor. 1:3-9

Friday, August 20, 2010

Who I Am

Then Jesus, still teaching in the temple courts, cried out, "Yes, you know me, and you know where I am from. I am not here on my own, but he who sent me is true. You do not know him, but I know him because I am from him and he sent me." John 7:28-29

From the earliest age I can remember, the repetitive question asked by grown-ups was, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  This was clearly a really important thing to decide because we painted pictures of the answer to it in school, wrote essays about it, and kept trying to answer it through junior high, high school and college.  Who am I?  What do I want to be?  Who do I want to be?  And, the most insidious version of the question to be answered:  How do you want to be remembered!?

My answers started with "cow girl" after seeing Coal Miner's Daughter (about Loretta Lynn), then gravitated to "the first female PelĂ©" and I would always select the number 10 for my soccer jersey just to help reinforce for others who I was aiming to emulate.  Then, Martin Luther King, Jr. awoke in me a passion for a life well spent, followed similarly by the movie Bravehart which made me want to go fight for Scotland then and there.  Not only is it interesting that not once did I say, "I want to be that lady waiting at the bus stop", but the drive was to be a hero...the hero.

More subtly, the question always lingers at the fringes of everything from the car I might desire or the way I want to decorate our home, choose my clothes or present our life choices to others.  I want each of these aspects of my life to answer for onlookers who I am.

God said to Moses, "I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' " God also said to Moses, "Say to the Israelites, 'The LORD, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.' This is my name forever, the name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation. Ex.3:14-15

But Jesus remained silent and gave no answer. Again the high priest asked him, "Are you the Christ, the Son of the Blessed One?" "I am," said Jesus. "And you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming on the clouds of heaven."  Mark 14:61-62


The number of pop songs and county songs with choruses touting "Look at me now" or "how do you like me now" or "I'm going to be somebody some day!" only reinforce this obsession to be known, to be a hero, to be the hero.  And more than just the obnoxious flavor of self-absorption, it is a deeply divisive way to enter into community.  It makes me anxious at a party or a business meeting or even at church when my name is not highlighted, when my opinion is not sought, when my contribution is not appreciated or pursued. 

Now this was John's testimony when the Jews of Jerusalem sent priests and Levites to ask him who he was. He did not fail to confess, but confessed freely, "I am not the Christ." They asked him, "Then who are you? Are you Elijah?" He said, "I am not." "Are you the Prophet?" He answered, "No." Finally they said, "Who are you? Give us an answer to take back to those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?" John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet, "I am the voice of one calling in the desert, 'Make straight the way for the Lord.' "  John 1:19-23

There is only one I AM whom knowing brings life and life abundantly.  And like John the Baptist, I've got to start to believe that I am not that One.  I am not the hero of the story, of my community, of my church or of my family.  That role is not only taken, but perfectly and powerfully filled by Jesus.  And I begin to wonder, what if instead of my home or work or contribution showing people who I am, they could become places where onlookers more clearly see I AM?  When I am dead and gone, whose work, name and very being will endure, change lives and redeem the world?  Who do those around me most need to see, hear, recognize, honor, appreciate and know?

"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?" Matt. 16:15

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Heart Listening

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.  Psalm 139:23-24

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.  Romans 8:26-27

I've had more game ending headaches this summer than collectively over the past ten years.  I've had a couple of migraines in the past month which lasted about a week each, only one day actually having me bed-ridden, thankfully.  On one level, it is kind of weird because summer has been beautifully restful compared to much of the year which preceded it.  I haven't felt that momma anger that so often overtakes me and results in impatient, biting remarks.  I haven't been as dominated by the need to micro-manage my environment, as seen in times when I am filled with agitation towards my family members who aren't falling into line with the way I want things to be done.  But the headaches, just like the times of anger and conflict, are like lights on a dashboard indicating something needs attention under the hood.

When I gave someone a quick update on the Gilbert household, I was suddenly able to see what I might otherwise have missed from the inside.  We are waiting on the USCIS (citizenship and immigration) approval to receive our long awaited for referral of our specific baby from Uganda.  We are waiting for some bank to accept or reject our short sale offer on a potential "new" home in Grove Park, which will determine where we will live come May or sooner.  We were waiting to know if we'd be moving back to our former home, but found renters for that place.  Terrell is launching an effort to get a charter school started in our Westside area that is broadly lacking quality educational options which would be accessible to all the neighbors.  These are all fairly big impact life changes, all "right around the corner", yet none with any reliable timeline at the moment.  So, I guess the headaches make a little sense.

But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. Matt. 15:18-19

A fundamental belief of any Christian ought to be that "I am a person in need of change" and this is then followed by the faith that Jesus not only meets this need but effects the very change that He has shown me that I need.  I am in great need of His redemptive work because of the widespread effects of sin in all the parts of my being.  Unfortunately, most of the time, I don't think I need to be changed all that much and am totally oblivious to the dashboard lights flashing and bells dinging for my attention.  I'd rather silence the alarm than follow it's invitation.  And the reason?  Well, it's just too much for me - too vague, too subjective, too confusing, too complicated, too hard.  Because I don't really know Jesus, I don't really know what my end product is supposed to look like.  Because I don't really believe Jesus, I assume I'm the one responsible for getting me there.  Because I don't really see Jesus, I have all my focus on the failings of others and my circumstances.  Because I can't distinguish His voice from all the rest, I don't know what to do with whatever I might hear out of my own heart.

But what if I begin to slow down just enough to hear that my heart is sad, disappointed, scared, feeling abandoned, angry, resentful, jealous, faintly hopeful, cynical, or even just tired?  What if once I hear my own heart's needs, rather than demand that the church or my friends or my family or society do something or change something to meet my needs, I take them to Jesus?  What if I then vulnerably expose what is most true in the engine room of my being, trusting Him to sort them out rather than trying to do it for Him?  What if I then look to His person and work to address these needs - not by just giving me what I demand but by increasing my faith that He will accomplish all that He intends - for good and for the life-giving benefit of those outside of myself, not just my personal relief?  What if in this way, I really start to know Him more and by knowing Him more, believe Him more?

"See if there is any offensive way in me"?  How could there not be!?  But sometimes His voice isn't just telling me how offensive I am, but that I don't believe He cares deeply for my needs.  Sometimes my greatest offense is simply self-reliance, even in trying to handle my muddled and contradicting emotions.  Having my heart searched isn't to know myself more, but to know Jesus more - to know Him in the intimate places where He is really working in ways I never can independently.  Until I hear what is truly happening in my heart, I can't really grasp my own unbelief and have it replaced with the faith that He gives.  I have both unbelief that I really need much redemption at all and unbelief that Jesus will in fact bring about that redemption from start to finish, which He will, with love and generosity of Spirit as I could never ask for or imagine.
For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.  But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.  Matt. 13:15-16

Friday, August 13, 2010

Most Wanting

I was at a friend's parents' high rise condo the other day and the view was breathtaking.  Looking down over the city of Atlanta with views of Stone Mountain and downtown and everything in between also brought to mind the way my childhood shaped my view of the world.  Despite my parents' best efforts to provide broad exposure to all kinds of people and places, the culture around me taught me something different. 

Standing above others was much better than standing below.  The most exclusive group or place is more desirable than the broadly accessible one.  Having the most advanced technological gadgets is more dignified than the cheaper and more utilitarian kind.  Kitchens should have the most updated appliances and fixtures and seem most like that of a professional chef's, regardless of what kind of food is actually prepared there.  My home should be the most inviting and most acceptable to the most critical of acquaintances.  I want the most advanced degree possible, and the most of them I can attain from the most prestigious schools who will include me in their programs.  Being closely identified with or being the most important person in an organization is the ideal.  If I can at least claim a close relationship to those others deem most important, I gain some "most importance" myself.  To stand above the masses in a position not accessible to the majority becomes a most consuming identity.  Forget God as "Most High", I am after that identity!

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  Phil 2:5-7

My attitude should be that of Christ Jesus - making myself nothing and taking on the very nature of a servant.  Hmmm...

Then he said to them, "Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all—he is the greatest." Luke 9:48

So, then, I just need to like children and have them over to play more without yelling at them for being so reckless and rowdy and then clean up after everybody, like a happy servant.  Then, throw in the occasional self-deprecating remark at a cocktail party and I think I will be satisfying this theme of "being the least", right?


Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.  Matt. 6:19-24
 
The reason moralism and new laws do not work is because the white washed tomb does not deal with the dead body inside.  As long as my eyes are still looking down on the city and on most of the other people I encounter, they are not the eyes of Jesus who cherished all those "others" as dearly loved children and ultimately, as His Beloved Bride.  My high rise view is just not compatible with the way Jesus sees me and the rest of His world.  He does not look down on me or the rest of mankind, as He alone is rightfully entitled to do, but washes my feet...and gives me new eyes to begin seeing as He does.
 
The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.  Romans 8:16-17
 
Sharing in the sufferings and becoming a servant seems to look a whole lot more like becoming "the least" than preserving my status as the most.  There is a real loss in that, and that loss is a form of suffering.  Yet, He is giving me new eyes that actually are seeing differently.  The former allure of "the most" is losing its sparkle and the grip on my heart is weakening, mercifully.  He did not merely come down surrounded by body guards and entitlements, but entered into the messiness, struggle, heartache and humility of humanity.  He is inviting me to love others similarly - not from a safe distance nor a position of superiority, but as one who shares genuinely in the suffering and celebrations of those I would otherwise deem the least important in the room.  That this work would be completed in me, that new eyes with which to view the world and people around me (hmm, and even my own reputation) would firmly replace my self-important ones, is surely what I am wanting most.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.  1 John 3:1-2

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Gospel Recreation

We've been at Lake Burton since Sunday, fully enjoying the last days of summer.  It may have been the most mentally restful few days of my whole summer and I have returned feeling quite blissful.  The days there were free of those little stresses of home (housework, bills, appointments, deadlines, e-mail, when will our adoption move forward, where will we live in a few months, etc.) and a little more filled with just enjoying people and creation.  The weather was perfect, the water clean and refreshing, my children played in fresh air and in the water for three full days and I just tootled around in the boat and sat on the dock and got to play my head off with them.  As they tubed behind the boat at ridiculous speeds (well, Ellie on the "big kid" rides that only ended when they were thrown upside down with the flipping of the tube and then Chad on the more cruising level with the tinier set) and as I skied and played in the water, I couldn't help but comprehend a little more about where this whole process of grace is headed.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."  Rev. 21:1-5

It is not that the end goal is for me to be on vacation, lazy and doing nothing but indulging my every whim.  It is better than that because the Marriage to come is not about ultimate selfishness but deepest satisfaction.  Because there will be no more toil to my labor, work will be nothing but satisfying and productive and I won't be desperate for a vacation or mental escape.  I wasn't made for "checking out" but for engaging with creation and in relationships as a reflection of my Creator, Redeemer and Father who cherishes me!  Because creation will be at total peace, swimming in new oceans and lakes won't carry with it the background fear of snakes or jellyfish or drowning or boating accidents or sunburn.  Relationships will be at perfect peace so that there will no more children whining to parents and parents yelling at children, no more disconnect between friends because of differing world views nor words of agitation of any kind.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain.  Grace is taking us from brokenness to fullness as was only hinted at in the Garden.  Grace is moving all of creation from shadow to reality!

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 1 Cor. 13:12
 
Grace isn't just a pass from guilt but a tool for drawing out my Christ-likeness.  Grace isn't just giving me a pat on the back, it is giving me sight!  I couldn't see my sin clearly before grace came in and gave me more honest sight of it, and grace gives me the courage to acknowledge what I see to be true in my heart, gives me hope that God's work rather my own futile effort is going to remove it fully in time and replace it fully with Himself in the manner that best brings Him glory, and grace gives me the strength to endure the birthing process of this whole re-creation.

Sometimes it feels like I'm stuck in the "fall" stage of creation-fall-redemption-glory and the eyes I've been given to see my heart a little more clearly seem only to make life more negative.  But the beauty of the lake and refreshment of my time there provided another reminder that no, the bad news isn't the full story.  Seeing the bad news of my true condition is the only way I can begin to comprehend the incredibly good news of my need for redemption and how extravagantly Jesus meets that need.  As I see my heart more clearly, I see Him more clearly.  He meets that need not just by bandaging my wounds but by making all things new, even me. 

The gripping pain, at times, of the birthing of this new creation is so totally worth it in comparison to the blissfulness of what is to come.  When I was at the lake, I could hardly remember what my daily life at home was all worked up about...it just wasn't relevant or urgent when I was there.  And I am pretty sure everything that made up those days of rest and recreation grossly pales in comparison with His rest and re-creation to come.

If the ministry that condemns men is glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts! 2 Cor. 3:9-11


Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Cor. 3:17-18

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Numbered Days for a Heart of Wisdom

So, as is becoming typical it seems, with the setting sun came a heart in panic.  Terrell and I have just embarked on what may be yet another great change for our family, and it has sounded nice by the pool and in the sunshine, but before it is really even more than a daydream I am having buyer's remorse.  "No no no!  That is crazy!  We can't give up THIS for THAT!  I mean seriously, there has got to be an end to this madness, right?  Somewhere along the way we have surely lost perspective and most definitely have stepped off of the planet of reality, right?  Help!"  And so goes my inner monologue as I lay beside my children to help them settle to sleep.  Then God brought to mind the passing of another year of my life, which brings about both reflection and perspective.  Then, being God, He thought to give me real perspective:

Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. Psalm 39:4

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.  Psalm 90:12

If there is one technical Biblical interpretation I learned in seminary, it is that "wisdom" in all the wisdom literature of the Bible is referring to Jesus.  Jesus is wisdom.  I've always used the word wisdom to reference fiscal responsibility or physical safety.  "Is it wise?" has always had more to do with my future prosperity and health from a given decision than whether or not it will help me to see Jesus more fully, vividly, or tangibly.  I'm not sure I've ever once used the question to mean "Is it Jesus?" and I guess that shows my lack of wisdom!(:  The panic I was experiencing moments ago wasn't about fear of not seeing Jesus or concern that this next decision might obscure Jesus to my children, but it was about giving up yet another known, familiar and secure place for an unknown, unfamiliar and uncertain one.

Does Jesus only dwell in the unfamiliar and uncertain?  Of course not.  He is with us always and delights to hem us in, to give us good things, to provide feasts for celebrations and beach houses for vacations.  But with what I might imagine as a twinkle in His eye, He wants to give us more than that too.  He is committed to giving us the fullness of Himself, wisdom.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Phil. 2:5-8

Hmmm...clearly my attitude is nothing like "that of Christ Jesus".  For starters, making myself nothing may on one hand sound sexy and adventurous for about a minute, but that minute is so that I can make myself something, if I'm honest.  Taking the very nature of a servant?  Well sure, if I get to be known as the one who condescended to make myself a servant, when I didn't have to, because everyone knows I'm much more important than that, and really so awesome to even attempt to be so servantish.  Obedient to death?  Nope.

But what if wisdom, the person and work of Jesus alive in me, replacing my sin nature with His nature, began to show me "how fleeting is my life"?  And what if the fleeting nature of my days wasn't simply about "the end is near" or "carpe diem" but that THE DAY is near?  And what if the Day and all the glorious days which will follow became more of what I lived this day for and about than, well, all these perishable associations and achievements in these fleeting days? (Matt. 6:19-20)

No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever. Rev. 22:3-5

What if it's not that I'm a candle in the wind or anything similarly useless and insignificant, but rather that the fleeting nature of this engagement period, so to speak, makes it's sacrifices pale in comparison to the wedding and marriage to come?  What if I develop a heart of wisdom that enables me to see my fleeting days not as the time for investing in my reign but His, in which He then includes me?  Oh, unlike Paul, my short-sightedness still has me considering worldly gains something I can't lose and I'm honestly afraid to give up.  Oh may the surpassing greatness of knowing Him make me one day truly consider them all a loss!  But He will teach me to number my days, He will dress me in His own righteous acts so I am not left standing in my worldly gained fig leaves, He will develop in me a heart that looks a whole lot like Him...even if I have to wait through these fleeting days to finally know as I am known.

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.  Hebrews 11:13-16

Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting: "Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear." (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)  Rev. 19:6-8

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

New Heart

If you are reading this in the midst of a normal day, feeling quite unemotional about life's ups and downs at this moment, then for me to describe my state during my time with God yesterday will sound extremely melodramatic and unbelievable.  But, it is true nonetheless.  I found myself sobbing over my "helpless estate" as He has been showing me ever more clearly my hatred of people.  Yes, hatred, though I'd like to phrase it as "not loving well" or "not loving as much as I'd like to".  But the truth is, it's just simply not loving without all those softening adverbs.  And, if I look at it honestly, to actively "not love" looks a whole lot more like hate than something neutral.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  1 Cor. 13:2-7

God is love.  I am not.  I have been totally impatient - very not patient.  I have been exceptionally rude lately, particularly in the evenings.  Easily angered doesn't say it clearly enough.  Chad opened my car door yesterday when I was looking the other way and unknowningly caused my huge water cup, that I had just filled before leaving the house with the last of my fresh lemon soaked and refridgerated water, to empty out all over the hot parking lot concrete.  I was furious.  I've also gotten enraged over nobody telling me who left staples all over my bathroom counter.  Really?  Yes, sadly, really.  Self-seeking could easily be at the root of my lovelessness, but Paul puts it in with everything else.  But yes, I am pretty consistently self-seeking with my time, energy, interestes and "love".

So what I saw yesterday was this heart that is filled with impatience, rudeness, anger, and self-interest above all else.  I cried and felt short of breath - not just because I felt sorrow over it but because I knew deeper than is explainable that I could do nothing, think nothing, read nothing, not understand just the right thing properly to bring about real change in this condition.  I didn't need a pat on the back, a "there there" or some duct tape.  What I saw was that unless He gives me a new heart, I am hopeless indeed to really be more interested in the well being and delights of those around me than myself.

I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.  You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God.  I will save you from all your uncleanness. I will call for the grain and make it plentiful and will not bring famine upon you. Ezek. 36:25-29

He will save me not just from the attacks of enemies but from my own uncleanness!  Oh what good news, what deep comfort, what sure hope!  He will move me to follow His decrees, to love as He loves.  If He cleans me, even if I need Him to do so hourly, I will be clean as I can never make myself.  He won't just patch up my heart but promises me a new one, run by His Spirit.

The greatest gift of this devastating sight of my hateful heart in need of His new one is that it turns utter dependence upon Him and my deep need for prayer and communion with Him, from something "right" as a Christian to my only hope for bringing life to others rather than continued injury.

And here is what is so sweet about His mercy - my children do not keep records of wrongs, rejoice in the truth and continue to trust though I do not deserve it.  Even as I repent to them for my impatience and wrong response to their age appropriate behaviors, they are ready to giggle and dance and cuddle.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Cor. 9:8

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Dropping Pounds

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:24-25


Terrell has always preferred to make up his own weight loss diets over the years, such as the "island diet" where he'd only eat things he could find on an island and had to listen to Bob Marley and such to really enjoy the full experience.  Of course, the island quickly got commercialized and fast food restaurants began popping up.  Then he went on the "Speedo Diet" with friends where whoever didn't achieve the targeted weight loss would have to wear a Speedo, chosen maliciously by the other guys, the whole weekend of a beach trip we were going to take.  Terrell definitely lost the weight for that one.  But after giving mouth to mouth to a stranger, a runner about his age with children about our children's ages, on a trail by the Chattahoochee, the seriousness of his health really sank in.  The other guy, who had apparently been very fit in earlier days, died that afternoon.  Terrell began to realize that the extra pounds that had been comfortable were in danger of stealing more life than they were actually giving him.

When he lost the weight, which he has mostly kept off since then, he commented over and over again about how much more energy he had, how much tastier healthier food actually was, how much easier and more enjoyable his running was and in general how noticeably better he felt.  The whole thing really surprised him because, he admitted, before this encounter with death, he had never really considered himself overweight, no matter what our doctor said. What's a few extra pounds - or 25?

Elizabeth Turnage quoted Kevin DeYoung's book, The Good News We Almost Forgot, in reference to question one of the Heidelberg Catechism, and it was just so so good I had to include it here:

“What is your only comfort in life and in death?” Heidelberg Catechism, Question 1
“That I am not my own, but I belong, body and soul, in life and in death, to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.” (First part of Heidelberg Answer #1)


“Heidelberg’s first question is so striking because of the word ‘only.’ If it asked ‘what comforts’ you, that would be a polite but underwhelming question. I’m comforted by sleep, chocolate chip cookies, a good book, the soundtrack to The Mission. But when the Catechism asks what is your only comfort, it is getting at something deeper. ’Comfort’ translates the German word trost, ... ‘Trost’ is related to the English word ‘trust’ and has the root meaning of ‘certainty’ or ‘protection.’ Heidelberg is asking, ‘What is your solace in life? What is your only real security?’

…[it] poses the most important question we will ever face. What enables you to endure life and face death unafraid? Is it that you read your Bible every day? That you attend church every Sunday? That you give to the poor? That you have a cushy retirement account saved up? That you haven’t committed any of the big sins of life?


We live in a world where we take comfort in possessions, pride, power, and position. But the Catechism teaches us that our only comfort comes from the fact that we don’t even belong to ourselves. How countercultural and counterintuitive! We can endure suffering and disappointment in life and face death and the life to come without fear or judgment, not because of what we’ve done or what we own or who we are, but because of what we do not possess, namely, our own selves.”

What if it turns out that the body of death I carry around and need to be rescued from isn't drug addiction, porn, adultery, tax evasion or other similarly taboo sins, but the pounds of unsatisfying comforts I collect and horde around me?  We moved boxes of stored stuff from our attic at our old place to a storage unit down the road because we might need that stuff later.  My children have a closet full of toys that we keep paring down and still, all they really want to play with are blankets and paper and tape...and their imaginations.  How much more creativity would be ignited in an empty room than in one you can hardly walk through?  How much more space for relationships if fewer gadgets to hide behind?

But it's not just stuff, of course.  The stuff is symbolic of the fact that I find safety and security in whatever comforts me -  a tv clicker, "me time", dark chocolate, an invigorating run on vacation, a really good cup of coffee, homemade ice cream, a long morning in a quiet bed, an engaging book...I don't really know that I know that I know Jesus as my only comfort in life.  And I wonder...what might it feel like to shed the excessive pounds of imitation comforts to which I so fiercely cling?  Would I find more energy and courage if I never considered myself captain of my own ship to begin with, and so more willingly ran after Jesus no matter where He took me?  Would the running suddenly be more enjoyable because His agenda, His presence, and His plan would actually be enough and all I need?
When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Luke 18:22

There is no new law here, no righteousness in poverty or some new form of monasticism.  Jesus is still the only source of my righteousness, ever.  But it is a beautiful invitation to have my Gospel imagination stirred, to wonder from which "entitlements", which by the way may be sucking more life out of me than they give, I might dream about uncurling my fingers.  What if my fingers uncurled so much as to drop those things out entirely?  What if my hands became empty enough to hold Someone's hand comfortably and securely?  Rather than a new law about selling my stuff or giving up bad habits to earn some extra points with Him, what if He is inviting me to see that He is my treasure in heaven, available and present now.  Oh to one day be able to say with integrity (and perhaps even from experience!) that He alone is my comfort, security and treasure...well, that sounds like Good News indeed.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Matt. 6:21

Monday, August 2, 2010

Piano Student

If perfection could have been attained through the Levitical priesthood (for on the basis of it the law was given to the people), why was there still need for another priest to come—one in the order of Melchizedek, not in the order of Aaron? Hebrews 7:11

In my short elementary school piano playing career, I was not exactly what you would call a "good" student, if by good student you mean someone who practices diligently and regularly and then plays their recital piece flawlessly.  No, practicing wasn't all that much fun because I just wanted to play grand concert pieces perfectly without all those awkward mess-ups and tedious struggles.  I had no appreciation for the process of moving from Hot Cross Buns to Beethoven nor did I have any comfort level with being mediocre at best.  So, eventually, I quit taking piano lessons.

We had dinner with some friends this weekend who described some of the reactions they have received to news that they have just decided to adopt two children from a really rough situation in Uganda.  A common one that we also have heard is, "Isn't that just perpetuating the arrogant white American image, swooping in to other countries' business?"  Well, yes, maybe it is.  But it makes you want to ask, "Would it be better, then, just to leave those children on the street?  in a brothel?  send them directly to the Lord's Resistance Army as young recruits for savage tribal conflict?"  It makes me wonder if its worse to appear arrogant or to do nothing? 

But something more was stirred in my heart - I want to follow God's particular call in my life with the same approach I had to piano lessons:  I want everyone to cheer me on, to see nothing buy purity and nobility in my motives, to find nothing but commendable, righteous and praiseworthy choices in how I live out the calling He has given me.  If a clear and obvious inconsistency or contradiction is pointed out, if my methods are found wanting or to expose my ignorance, short sightedness, arrogance or otherwise flawed performance, I would almost rather quit than climb back on that piano bench and keep plinking away at the process.

"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good—except God alone." Mark 10:18

God looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.  Everyone has turned away, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one. Psalm 53:2-3

I want to be seen as "good", as one in whom God looks down and sees understanding and a genuine, pure, faithfully devoted seeker of Him.  But the only One who is Good is God alone, lived out fully in the person and work of Jesus.  His motives have been and are always pure, His methods always righteous and admirable, His efforts always effective and productive and His performance is always due honor and glory and praise.  And here is a startling thing - I am not Beethoven and am even more not Jesus.  When my imperfect motives and my flawed words and actions are exposed, I don't have to be so startled or discouraged by that reality.  Of course I am not Jesus, which is why I need Him!

I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me. Col. 1:25-29

I work because He already has, is and is the One who will complete it.  I struggle with all HIS energy which is at work in me.  It is Christ in me that is my hope, not my own perfections or praiseworthiness.  I am invited into His redemptive work not as the perfect Redeemer but because even as I do things arrogantly or ignorantly, He is redeeming me in the process just as much as the circumstance into which He has called me. 

This means I can be part of adoption, without dismissing the complex and legitimate critiques and concerns.  I can move into a neighborhood where I am a minority, knowing I will say the wrong the thing and do the wrong thing more than once along the way.  My choice is no longer to be perfect by my own striving and above reproach in the eyes of men or abandon the calling altogether.  I can keep plinking away at the piano, awkward mess-ups and neglected notes and all, because this process is guaranteed to bring about not just a great musician, but Christ in me, the hope of glory.
 
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Col. 3:23-24