Now No Condemnation

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.  So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. Romans 7:18-23

It seems that when the lights are out and I am in bed needing to go to sleep, my mind is most susceptible to the flood of thoughts about how I have legitimately failed or wounded my children, husband and others in the course of that day.  Sometimes I will want to go snuggle with my peacefully sleeping children as if to make up for my impatience, divided attention or otherwise hurtful or neglectful behavior toward them in the course of the day.  Sometimes this overwhelming feeling of guilt is blown out of proportion by my tired mind and heart.  At other times, very vivid moments are played like film clips in my mind's eyes, unavoidably declaring me guilty as charged.

That control freakishness that could easily define me in the eyes of my husband condemns me as I lie there feeling it's divisive power.  I can so easily be that person around whom he has to walk on egg shells, never knowing if he put the dishes away properly, offered the right food to our children, suggested a winning idea for a family activity and so on.  Oh how my sin condemns me and stifles the joy and freedom in those I love most!

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.7:24-8:4

This is the only thing that answer such a guilty conscience, and I am only beginning to grasp it's glorious, life-giving implications. I used to think "now no condemnation" meant that it had all been a misunderstanding, that my felt guilt was just "negative self-talk", "stinkin' thinkin'" or being too hard on myself for things that are common to all.  But I stand "not condemned" not because my sins are common but because Jesus bore the full weight of the wretchedness of my body of death that I on occasion feel deeply.  It is because my guilt is accurate - I have been unfairly demanding of Chad, micro-managing and short with Terrell and my shame and despair in regard to these areas is right.  But the burden of their weight, their recovery and their redemption, both in my heart and those I have hurt, is carried by Jesus!

Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: "Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. Rev. 12:10

Satan's accusations are so effective because, in many cases, they are true!  But they do not contain the rest of the story.  Like Edmund in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe who betrayed his family and Aslan, the Jesus like figure in the story, his guilt was deserving of death.  But Aslan took his place and there was only one death to be died for the offense.  Jesus died one time for all the sins of all His people in all of time.

Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 1 John 3:2

I love this acknowledgment that I am both a fully accepted child of God and that the perfect likeness of Jesus in me is not yet apparent or even complete yet. This helps me understand a little better why my new creation in Christ still acts a bit like the "old man" in me. Why I still don't do the good I want to do and yet still do the bad I don't want to do.  I have been promised that His work will be completed even though it is quite obvious that there is still some way to go in that process.

My friend Melissa has learned not only the identity of her child in Uganda, but increasing tidbits about his personality and activities as their arrival is anticipated and they all wait to pick him up from the babies' home there. He now belongs to them, is their child and is brother to Henry and Mary Taylor even though they haven't gotten over there to make it official in Ugandan courts and by bringing him home. Should other infants and toddlers in the babies' home be able to talk, an observer might tell their son, "You don't have parents. You are just an orphan, alone like all the others here." The comments would be right, from an immediate perspective, and yet utterly false. What will be has not yet been known clearly to all observers either here in Atlanta or there in Uganda, but it is true nonetheless.  What is declaratively true about me in Jesus is equally true, even if barely in part to my own heart's eyes and the perceptions of those around me.

This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:19-20

Over and over again, He shows me my unbelief and replaces it with greater faith - that I am not condemned even though condemnable, that His grace is in fact more than sufficient for me and that I can trust His redemptive work to be completed in me and in those who will need Him to recover from me. (:   Hee hee.  Hallelujah what a Savior indeed!

A Prepared Table

I have not had anything to say about the Gospel in my days this week, but interestingly, I have had lots to say to others out of irritation.  I am particularly skilled in the use of biting words, heavy handed judgments and sweeping critiques.  While my days have been wonderfully free of anything remotely resembling stress, internally I am filled with agitation, restlessness and discontent.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 43:5

My self-sufficient Christian inclination is to notice I am "grumpy", acknowledge that being grumpy is my sin, repent and then look for ways to quit being so irritable or ways to be more actively joyful.  Unfortunately, that is like recognizing I have a fever and determining to be well without examining what has caused the fever.  Two things that keep being brought to my mind are Psalm 23 and my deep need for control.  I want my days to look a certain way, my parenting to look a certain way, my home to look and function in a certain way, my social life to contain certain relationships, my ministry to be particularly defined and basically to live as a marketable and clearly defined tidy package in my own eyes and those of others.

My home is constantly a mess, the laundry is constantly not finished, last night I burned our dinner, my children don't actually "obey right away" or often even until a fourth or fifth hysterical demand, I can't fit all the relationships I want to maintain while also maintaining a sane schedule and my mental capacity and self-discipline seem both to be diminishing by the day.  My helplessness to control my environment, the people around me and even my own heart is not a contrived spiritual thing to say, it is reality in Technicolor.

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Phil. 3:20-21

The things that are not in my control, like the state of my home, the disorganization of my paperwork, the failed expectations of my parenting (to be creative and enthusiastic and fun all day every day - ha ha), and so on...are all under His control!  He is never not in control.  Things not going my way are still and always going His way.  His will is never thwarted, not even in the smallest detail.  The Psalmist answers a disturbed soul with "hope in God", implying the disturbance just might be because hope had been placed elsewhere.  My deep down agitation has something to do with this reality that I can't have things the way I want them when I want them and that my peace and well-being have come to rest in my will being done rather than His alone.  I trust my will more than His and want my way more than His.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Psalm 23

He restores my soul.  What good news indeed.  And, as Paul mentioned above, He restores my soul by transforming me and not as I might demand that He transform my environment, circumstances or the people around me.  He is committed to restoring my soul, it is the very story of redemption to which the person and work of Jesus have been devoted.  In this restoration work, He makes me lie down, often when I think I should run faster and longer.  He is the One working the transformation in His way, by His means, in His time.  He doesn't fly me over the valley of the shadow of death as if it is to be avoided at all costs, but walks with me through it and becomes more visible to me in it.  This valley of disturbance is the very one in which my hope becomes most strongly anchored, my faith becomes sight and my lowly body begins to resemble His glorious one a little more clearly.

And here is the part that keeps coming up in numerous readings over the past week:  He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies!  In the face of enemies, whether that means people who genuinely suffocate my spirit or make my heart feel condemned, or whether that means the various circumstances which work in opposition to my desires, or whether the enemy is simply my own divided heart which is counted righteous even as it is drawn to sin, I want to flee or hide or attack.  Sitting down to a lovely meal is the last thing on my mind.  After all, speaking of disturbed souls, my stomach would be in knots and that meal would have indigestion written all over it, if I even felt hunger at all. 

But His control over everything and my hope placed exclusively in His will being done rather than my own, invite me to sit in peace and enjoy the banquet even as enemies attempt to stare me down and intimidate me.  What would that even look like?  To enjoy the person in front of me with genuine absorption in the moment no matter how long my to-do list is for the day, to sit peacefully in a messy house just as if I were at a clean and simple spa, to love my children wildly even when their hyperactivity or carelessness would threaten my very last nerve, to be more interested in the people I encounter at a party or social gathering than my own marketability in their eyes...perhaps these are tables at which my soul is invited to be at rest.

What if I start to understand the person and work of Jesus as the Great Disturber of my soul, at work to actually bring comfort with his rod and staff?  What if instead of trying to ignore, mask or self-medicate my agitation and irritability I begin to ask Him to search my heart for the unbelief behind these raw and real emotions?  What if He replaces my strong belief in my own ideas and plans and "needs" with a more powerful belief in His control over all things so that I can enjoy that table, any table, He has prepared for me?
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. Psalm 42:1

Easy Yoke Part 2

Walking down the beach yesterday, enjoying a delightful time to myself in the sunshine along the edge of the waves, I encountered an unseen but very powerful jellyfish.  I had just begun to walk into the water to cool off at about the furthest point in my walk and zap!  It truly was like being electrocuted.  My arms tingled for most of my return walk and there were moments I wondered if I'd be one of those stories in the news of weird fatal reactions to otherwise mild ocean encounters.  Today, the blotchy marks that appeared last night were joined by a long straight bruise along the top of my foot and side of my ankle.  Not cool you tenacled blissful moment invader!

Tonight, as I was supposed to be falling asleep, it occurred to me that this collision with the jellyfish is the perfect illustration of sin's effect on me.  I was thinking about it because just tonight, in an otherwise pleasant setting, I encountered my unseen but very powerful sin as it took it's effect on those around me and left me feeling electrocuted.  The exposure of this potentially lethal reality in my heart left me shaken and breathless, but without that cool spray the lifeguards had handy yesterday.  I felt similarly disoriented as I was simultaneously "guilty as charged" and yet encountering the sin in others as well.  And here is where that "not yet" of yesterday's post (and the entire redemptive story in Biblical history) comes in today's post.

But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God. Since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool, because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. Hebrews 10:12-14

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:1-4


The now but not yet:  there is NOW no condemnation (not because I am simply misunderstood or misjudged, but even in my unmistakable guilt) because Jesus' one sacrifice grabs all my selfish neglect of the needs of others, my harsh and haughty words, my condescension and superiority, my disdain and disinterest and includes them in His own self-sacrifice.  He has NOW declared me perfect in Him even as I have NOT YET been made holy, perfect, complete and lacking nothing as an exact representation of Jesus.  Will I run to Him with these condemnable moments and receive His covering which is so much better than jellyfish sting spray?
 
His yoke is easy and His burden is light, or as the Ugandans apparently paraphrase His words, "My luggage is not heavy."  Tonight my luggage got really heavy really quickly and here is why:  I was trying to process my own guilt, shame and identity and I was trying to sort through the processing of others in their guilt, shame and identity and I was worrying about their view of me in the process and I was feeling rotten about my lack of genuine, selfless love for them as exposed in the whole thing.  The sentence itself is long just as the burden was great and the yoke was impossibly mis-tailored.  (Is that even a word?)

Has He asked me to carry any of that luggage?  He reminds me, even now, that He is the only one who is just and who justifies.  It is His Spirit that leads me (and others) into all righteousness and truth, who loves genuinely through me and who takes me to Jesus and hides me in Him.  His yoke for me is easy because He is the author and perfecter of my faith, not me.  His burden for me is light because He became and owned all of my sin so that I can be called His righteousness.  He has promised to complete the work He has begun in me and will do the same for others.  I can lay that burden down.

The now but not yet is so readily seen on vacation where we taste not only the good things to come in terms of rest and feasting, but I face (even here at the beach with those I love the most) my desperately great need for a Redeemer and am brought face to face with a very great Jesus who joyfully, willingly, patiently, gently, compassionately, kindly and tirelessly meets my desperate need.

The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says: "This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds."  Then he adds: "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more."  And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin. Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:15-25

Easy Yoke part 1

Our dinners at the beach are far from utilitarian.  They have more of a South American spirit to them in that they begin with hors d'ouvres and relaxed visiting, move into a culinary experience with wine (or cleverly named craft beers) with food that has been lovingly and proudly put together by different family members who genuinely enjoy the art of cooking, and go late into the night. We linger over the meal and around the table until well past the hour when our children should already be in bed, but they seem to buy into the experience themselves.  With this on my mind while sitting on the beach, listening to the waves, trying to decide whether I should go for a long walk, play in the waves or read a book, I was thinking about what makes vacation so vacation-ful. (:  It isn't just the play and the laziness but it is the conspicuous absence of the toil of daily responsibilities. Even putting dishes away at the beach feels less burdensome than the same task at home. 

To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.  Gen. 3:17

On vacation, tidying up the living room or kitchen, running a few loads of laundry or washing off sandy beach toys just doesn't seem as cruel and "toilsome" as the similar tasks do at home on a daily basis.  I think it speaks to the somewhat mysterious nature of the curse and the life to come when all traces of it will be wiped away.  While we still will work, because this was part of the dignity of man and imaging of God before the fall, it will not be wearisome labor.

He named him Noah and said, "He will comfort us in the labor and painful toil of our hands caused by the ground the Lord has cursed." Genesis 5:29

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  Matt. 11:28-30

The "Now but Not Yet" of this redemptive story we find ourselves included in came to mind as I contemplated the person and work of Jesus in regard to my need for vacation and my receipt of His rest: 1) His reversal of the curse as minimally referenced through Noah is available even now as described further in Matthew and 2) while we get tastes of this rest, it is not yet perfectly undisturbed. (will have to be explored in the next post)

Now:  The idea of two oxen being strapped together by a "yoke" is clearly outside of my daily experience.  But, the idea of strapping into a three legged race may be slightly helpful.  If I have to do a mile around a track in a three legged race, I want to strap my leg to a swift runner, with coordination and rhythm, who is as focused on the end goal as I am.  To strap my leg to someone who just wanted to stop for refreshments the whole time, quickly distracted, who isn't all that coordinated, or who is easily winded or nauseated by exercise would make for a really tedious experience.  Interestingly, I yoke myself to these kinds of partners, namely my own inconsistent will, all the time instead of Jesus and wonder why I am so worn out and in need of vacation.

Patrick Knaak, in a World Harvest Mission book entitled My Luggage is Not Heavy, wrote about this saying, "The default mode of my sinful heart is to chase after the idols of approval or success, or to insist on doing things my way.  And yet, yoking myself to my own willful independence to try harder to do better is the most wearying labor..."  For me, the anxiety about approval isn't as simplistic as "like me, like me", but means that I want to be found faultless before the most scrutinizing money managers, found perfectly pure in motive by my new neighbors in a not-yet-transitional neighborhood and those watching from a distance, found above reproach in my care and nurture of my children and found nothing but praiseworthy in my ministry and interaction with those around me.  But of course, if any of these things were possible, I would have no need for the person and work of Jesus because my righteousness would be sufficient.  I need to be yoked to Him because only His financial management is faultless, only His motives are perfectly pure in all things, only His care and nurture of His children is above reproach and only His ministry is life giving at all times.

The Lord Almighty has sworn, "Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand.  I will crush the Assyrian in my land; on my mountains I will trample him down. His yoke will be taken from my people, and his burden removed from their shoulders."  This is the plan determined for the whole world; this is the hand stretched out over all nations.  Is. 14: 24-26

My daily labors at home, while absent of rolling waves and leisurely nightly dinners, might not have to carry with them the toilsome nature that I have felt more intensely at certain points.  Perhaps the toil comes when I attach to these tasks demands that Jesus has not given.  Jesus hasn't asked that I clean my house for others to think me an exceptional house keeper, but simply to be able to find my stuff and enjoy the space more.  He has asked me to love on my children and train them in the refreshment, necessity and wonder of the Gospel, not create Stepford children who perform for the arbitrary and every changing standards of others. I want to manage my manna in Tupperware, trusting in my ample extra as a mark of superior stewardship - and I feel my jaws and insides clench even as I type that - cue the heavy burden and scowling willful independence.  Instead, God provides the exact resources for the very things He has called us to, and what He doesn't provide I can trust we don't need as I may assume.  Jesus asks me to wash the feet of others, to go, serve and love "the least of these" of whom I am one.  He frees me from both enslavement to their approval of my motives and from fear of disappointing others, because I rest in His righteousness alone.

 Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. Psalm 116:7

The Ocean of Scripture

We are at the beach and it, of course, is all we want it to be.  The expansive ocean outside our window, which makes our small children look even smaller, is both mesmerizing to watch and so much fun for swimming and playing.  I was trying to race my family back to our chairs by swimming through the waves while they walked on the beach.  Totally winded from swimming a sprint in the water, I looked up to find I had made little to no progress towards our destination.  That big ocean continually reminds me of its size and strength in contrast to my greatest aspirations and presumptions about my own.

"Do not come any closer," God said. "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground."  Then he said, "I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob." At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God. Ex. 3:5-6

At breakfast this morning, Dad lamented his feeling that after a lifetime of reading the Bible, he really doesn't have confidence that he can just pick up a passage and know with any accuracy how it is telling about the person and work of Jesus and His hope-giving redemptive work today.  Those weren't his exact words, of course, but what he went on to say is what really touched something profoundly significant in my own life.  He said he spends far more time reading books about the Bible than the Bible itself.  When he goes out on the beach, he'd readily take a book about a redemptive figure or circumstance (like William Wilberforce or the folks learning from their experience living in Hard Bargain) than just taking the Bible out to the beach to pour over it instead.  (I'd readily take a brain numbing mystery and plow through the whole thing in a day.)The Bible, sadly, has been relegated to those private moments called "devotion" and then tucked away until the next day.

He was telling something more true about my own experience than I have even had the awareness to lament.  Why is this the way I relate to the Bible, I wonder?  For one, I know that whenever I have set out to "read through the Bible in a year" or just pick it up and enjoy its pages, my experience is like attempting to swim impressively in the ocean or even just play tirelessly in it.  I approach with the intention of conquering and I walk away in defeat, sometimes with water up my nose.

And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.  But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live." Ex. 33:19-20

What I do find when I pick up my Bible, which is the very same reason I don't pick it up more frequently, is that my small stature becomes even smaller when I approach it.  I have in mind to master the content before me, to own it like some newly discovered land I am entitled to possess simply because I won some battle of determination.  But instead, I find it will not be conquered, possessed or even subdued by me.  Instead, it overwhelms me with how much I don't understand it, how much I don't see clearly and, like my great effort in swimming the ocean route back to our chairs, the increasing distance and effort required to attain my goal is totally defeating.  

 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.  The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.' " From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only, who is at the Father's side, has made him known. John 1:1-2, 14-18

And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself. Luke 24:27



"The Word" who is God, who nobody was able to see and then continue to live, became flesh and made His dwelling among us and has made Himself known.  Wow.  What if I begin to spend time seeing Jesus in all the Scriptures not to master, conquer, or complete them or Him, but just to gaze at Him the way I am comforted, amazed, splashed, worn out and relaxed by the ocean?  What if I quit evaluating my Bible reading, which only condemns me, and simply enjoy it as I do the ocean?  What if being anxious for nothing also includes my efforts and desired accomplishment in seeing Jesus in my Bible as much as it includes not stressing over making the very most of every second at the beach?  My accomplishment oriented approach to the Bible will have to be confronted by the person and work of Jesus even as He becomes what mesmerizes me in its pages.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.  By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.  Psalm 42:7-8

Light, Even in Darkness That Can Be Felt

Then the LORD said to Moses, "Stretch out your hand toward the sky so that darkness will spread over Egypt—darkness that can be felt."  So Moses stretched out his hand toward the sky, and total darkness covered all Egypt for three days.  No one could see anyone else or leave his place for three days. Yet all the Israelites had light in the places where they lived.  Exodus 10:21-23

Man, what a dense few verses of Gospel goodness I just stumbled upon!  "Darkness that can be felt" is so descriptive of the daily experience of life for so many of my dear friends lately, and oh how I feel it myself, some days more intensely than others.  It's that raw sting of disconnected relationships or even traumatically broken ones.  It's the churning anxiety of mounting expenses and draining bank accounts.  It is felt in the weariness and even guilt of motherhood when the end of the day presents a messier house than the one that may have been cleaned with effort earlier in the day, and children whose hearts cannot be "fixed" by schedules or threats or earnest pleading.  Disapointment, disillusionment and depression.  That "darkness that can be felt" isn't a condition unique to me, or to her, or to him or to us, but is a common experience of the effects of broken shalom.

For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. Romans 8:20-21

The frustration and the felt darkness are not happening out of control, as a result of chaos, or by the choice of any instrument of the frustration or darkness.  It occurs by the will of the One who subjected it, by the Lord's will and outstretched hand.  And this outstretched hand of frustration isn't for punishment or condemnation, as if the right formula might have prevented it, but is actually used to liberate His creation from bondage.  The Israelites endured the plagues, and years of wandering, to enter the Promised Land.  They were only a small example of God's redemptive work in all of history, of which I am a part and by which I can have hope that any valley of darkness I am led through is a necessary route to freedom.

The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Cor. 4:4-9


"Yet all the Israelites had light in the places where they lived."  What a succinct statement of the hope we have even in the darkest places.  The very One who made light out of darkness has made his light shine in our hearts.  This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.1 John 1:5  Jesus, who followed every letter of the law perfectly, endured the full intensity of darkness so that I will never know that kind of utter abandonment.  That moment was the last in which darkness was allowed to truly reign.  While it still gets to press, perplex, persecute and even strike down, the darkness can not annihilate God's Kingdom, His goodness, His love or any facet of His character.  I can trust that even a situation I seem to have created, even guilt that is well earned, even in illness and joblessness that couldn't be avoided, in loneliness and disappointment, and in every form of felt darkness, it comes from the trustworthy hand of the One who is making all things new.  It is the Gospel's way of redemptively frustrating (shake shake shake?) creation to make something new, a new creation to which any earlier version pales in comparison, which brings light into the hearts of His people even in the midst of a very dark night -  in Egypt, Gethsemane and Golgotha, and tonight.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."  He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."  Rev. 21:3-5

Shake Shake Shake

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. Romans 1:21-25

I went to bed with a headache last night, didn't sleep all that well, and awoke with a real heavy heartedness this morning.  My thoughts had become consumed, once again, with my desire to settle in a permanent home.  On top of that, my attention had been grabbed by a terrorist attack in Kampala, Uganda yesterday, the place where our next child is likely living in a baby's home and where our good friends know their son is waiting for them.  In addition, I had become perplexed, yet another day, with the complexities of motherhood and my inevitable disappointment with myself in that job.  From there, just about every relationship and situation carried with it a feeling of discouragement and defeat.

I have exchanged the truth of God for a lie and begun to worship and serve created things rather than the Creator, who is forever praiseworthy and to be praised.  Was I on my knees bowing to our new home?  Have I created a physical alter upon which I have placed my children's images to worship?  In each of these things, the subtlety and deception of sin is far more crafty and sensible than that.  It convinces me that:  I will be content when...  I will be freed up to really live fully when...  Life will begin as I think it is meant to be when...  I will fully be the person God has made me to be when...

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

This is the day He has made.  This is the place to which He has called me.  This is the moment, circumstance, task, relationship, activity and engagement to which He has called me.  Today I am free to be content and at peace in the exact day and circumstance that He has made.  Therefore, I can be glad and rejoice in it.  I have His fullness, the perfections and overflowing life of Jesus, lived for me so that I may live fully today, where I am, as I am.

At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens."  The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire." Hebrews 12:26-28

I can be thankful because I am part of and made for a Kingdom that cannot be shaken.  God's consuming fire isn't a threat but a promise...nothing can hold it back or stop it.  (Not an address, a relational conflict, an internal affliction, etc.)  He will consume the whole creation with His glory, His goodness, His redemption and His life.  He is making all things new.  What a gift, then, to have removed from my grip all those shakable things (perfect parenting, an ideal home, trust in agencies or governments or man made timelines, positions and titles, projects and missions, etc.) while being given security in and more of the Unshakable.

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." 1 Cor. 1:27-31

It is not in my surroundings, my title, my wisdom, my utilitarian contribution to the community or the church, my hospitality or my anything that God's name is made great to the world or to my heart.  As a matter of fact, more often than not, these only make my heart grow hard and proud as I use them to demand attention for myself even as they fool me into independent efforts at imaging God's glory.  Instead, it is in the ambiguity, the weaker places and the unknown that He becomes known more clearly and nearly. Even as I am shaken by fixing my gaze and my heart on the created things rather than on the Creator, I find His righteousness, holiness and redemption at work in me and for me, for His glory, because even my Gospel amnesia is promised to be fully consumed and one day totally obliterated by my Redeemer.

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, fading though it was, will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? If the ministry that condemns men is glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!  2 Cor. 3:4-11

Squatters

Yesterday we walked through, for a second time, yet another potential place for us to live in this era of our wanderings.  It's a house two doors down from our intended future permanent home, but potentially available for habitation much more quickly and for less expense.  The first thing that strikes any visitor to this house is the knock-you-over stench of an abandoned home whose last tenants had most likely been evicted.  New to the interior decorating this time were the belonging of someone who had made it his (?) home by use of the back window.  There were the normal things like tooth brush, toothpaste and shaving accessories.  There was also a metal T looking thing which I learned is the way to turn the water on from the street.  The squatter has a good system.  But what particularly caught my eye this time were the tiny little girl shoes and bathing suits and empty Gerber toddler food container.

As I kept exploring not the house, but the contents left behind by this "resident" in our potential "new" home, I then discovered porn DVDs in the closet.  Gross?  Yes.  Creatively named?  Points for that at least.  Of course my first thoughts were of disgust over the whole situation, but seeing the porn somehow as an indication of why the person was where he was:  No self control, following his appetites, unclean and exploiting the resources of others...and possibly bringing a small child along in the process.  Then, Jesus gently and ever so patiently showed me the Pharisee in the mirror.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!  Phil. 2:5-8

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. Eph. 2:14-17

What must the broken world, now afflicted with death and disease and conflict, smell like to someone arriving from His throne in Glory?  I'm guessing the stench of that house yesterday can't compete with what Jesus smelled in contrast.  He left the safety, comfort, peace and order of His Heavenly realm to move to "the ghetto" of the world He created to enter into the lives of His people who He loves.  He suffered so that I can live, not just once on the cross so I can enter once into His presence after death, but daily in life so that I can enter His presence each moment of each day.

I am the person living in that house, chasing my own appetites even when I as a believer know that they will never satisfy.  I exploit the attention and resources of others for my comfort, my ego and my own well-bring above any genuine, enduring concern for theirs.  Like the squatter with the T bar, I use the gifts of intelligence, creativity and even determination not to image God to others and bring life and joy and peace to the world around me, but to better my own little kingdom.  All the while, my "little kingdom" is no more glorious than the temporary quarters of someone else's house which I will eventually have to leave.

But the greatest difference between me as the squatter and Jesus as the purchaser of the home is that He does not despise me in my filth, my exploitations, my lusts and the varying forms of my irresponsibility.

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Is. 53:3

Jesus became the despised so that I may be the Beloved.  Jesus bore the rejection of men, well deserved by me and the other guy whose stuff I paroused yesterday, so that we may become the Accepted.  I covered my nose and used great amounts of hand sanitizer in response to that house and its inhabitants.  Jesus takes on my stink, my infectious disease, and my detestable sin nature that I may be clothed in His glorious spledor and irresistable fragrance of life.  If I were to even minimally grasp who I really am apart from Him and what He unreasonably does for me daily, how differently might I respond to others in my same need of His mercies and marvelous love?
‎"Although my memory's fading, I remember two things very clearly: I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior." John Newton

Trust

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Matt. 6:26-27

I always thought worrying was what my grandmother did about safe driving or the dangers of women exercising (yes, a generational thing) or what was happening with the family down the street or the minister at their tiny church.  But I've come to know worry as something that masquerades as "responsibility", "stewardship" and "wise planning".  The assumption of these imposters of spiritual maturity is that my future health, peace and well-being rests in my decision making.  Tomorrow's doom or delight rests in my management of today.  Hmmm...and yikes!

Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.  "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place,...What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed, or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?  Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm, to water a land where no man lives, a desert with no one in it, to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass? Do you know the laws of the heavens? Can you set up God's dominion over the earth?  Can you raise your voice to the clouds and cover yourself with a flood of water?  Do you give the horse his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane? Job 38:3-4, 12, 19, 24-27, 33-34

Oh how quickly I forget that I am not remotely in control of my future or my present.  And oh how quickly I forget that my lack of control doesn't mean it is not being controlled by my Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer and loving Heavenly Father.  Not worrying, or scheming, or searching my brain for the perfect right solution is actually an act of faith.  Do I believe that tomorrow will be just fine because of His control or am I trusting more in my attempts at omniscience and omnipotence? 

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matt. 6:31-34

If the righteousness of Jesus is the basis for God's blessings, it is not my perfect decision making, wise planning, responsible foresight or perfect stewardship.  If I believe my own righteousness is sufficient and worthy of His favor, I do not actually need Jesus or His work on my behalf.  He asks me to trust His completed work on my behalf which He is working out in me and promises to complete in me.  He asks me to trust His perfect decision making, His wise plans and purposes, His foresight and His perfect control over all things, even the very spot to which the waves are allowed to creep and commanded to stop.  No door He opens can be shut, even by my stupidity, carelessness or cluelessness.  No door He shuts can be opened, even by my greatest efforts, brilliant problem solving or most ingenuitive creatitvity.

He has given me today and not asked me to fake some kind of pseudo-spiritual maturity of self-reliance for tomorrow's management.  I can trust myself and my own understanding or I can trust that He is who He says is, does what He claims to have done and to continually do and will never be less than a perfectly good, loving Father to me in all things.  Oh may I rest in His provision for tomorrow, His plans for tomorrow, His management of even today and find peace in place of striving.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

Out of the Bathroom and Onto the Dance Floor

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Gen. 2:18

My children love to dance, which I just may have mentioned a few times before, but it comes up a great deal.  Chad's teacher laughed about moments in their preschool class when the music would come on and all the kids would stop and look to where Chad was in the class to see what the dance move of the moment was supposed to be.  Even though parents are always supposed to think their kids' abilities are superhuman, I have to say that Ellie and Chad have some moves that I surely never would have attempted until my college days, and even now, don't quite have the coordination or rhythm to do.  They are great dancers and bring delight to a room with their dancing as they encourage others to cut loose and feel the groove.

The interesting thing about their dancing, though, is that apart from the safety of Chad's class, they will almost never be the first ones on the dance floor.  They aren't comfortable or willing to be a one man show, at least not until it comes as part of a group dancing experience.  I have found that I am no different in dance, song or standing firm in the person and work of Jesus.

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:19-25

Last week, I heard Scott Roley and Scotty Smith, both pastors at Christ Community Church in Franklin, at separate times refer to the process of the Gospel's impact on individuals and therefore the church through a picture of music:  Knowledge of the lyrics is not enough.  The music of the Gospel brings the lyrics of the Gospel alive.  But the lyrics and the music together should then cause the church to dance, and that is when you see the life of Jesus bringing life to the community.  The Gospel dance is not for individuals in isolation, dancing only before a mirror of my own image.  Dancing alone not only makes the lone dancer the spectacle, the focus and center of the moment but it also means the default "audience" is more self-conscious than compelled by the very lyric and music that might draw them to the dance floor as well.

Like Ellie and Chad, I need others to dance with me because my faith can't even last through a whole week alone.  My dancing legs get tired and discouraged.  My individual mind blurs the melody, loses the rhythm and too quickly begins gazing down at my own legs and feet which become heavy and awkward.  My Gospel amnesia is so steady and strong that my guilty conscience can be much louder than my assurance of faith.  My uncertainty about God's existence, about His redemptive activity and power in my life and community, about the value of dancing at all is magnified when I am left to dance alone.  This isn't about following a crowd or just fitting in, its about a reality of imaging God and living by faith that has been true since before the fall:  it is not good for man to be alone.  I lose perspective alone, can't see my own flaws or strengths accurately alone, get disoriented alone and lack the full beauty and complete character of God alone as only one part of His image.

Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. Romans 12:4-5

I was not made to image God fully and exhaustively alone.  I can't.  And I can't see God clearly alone, particularly if mine is the only image I see.  My faith is strengthened by the many various aspects of God's image reflected in others around me.  I need the sight of others to see what I cannot see.  I need the ears of others to hear what I cannot hear.  Another dancer shares the burden of the dance floor and also brings new energy to it.  We need to not stop meeting together because the parts of the Body must be together to function properly and most effectively as a whole.  I need to be spurred on because my faith grows faint alone.  There is only One who endured even to the point of death, and I am not Him. 

I cannot dance alone and I cannot ask others to the dancing for me or my entertainment.  I can't hold unswervingly alone, I am too easily "swerved".  How good it is that He has never asked for solo dancers or lone faith warriors.  That job has already been claimed so that I may now dance freely and confidently with the Body as we bring life and energy to our community, not just our bathroom mirrors.

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6

The Least Believed Phrase in the Bible

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:4-5

It was said earlier this week, and I fully agree, that "apart from me you can do nothing" is the least believed phrase in the entire Bible. 

I believe with a little more money, I could do something, well really, lots of things.  I believe that by use of my connections, or with a little more networking, I could accomplish powerful things.  I believe that with a little more will power, a little more discipline, a greater determination, a new perspective, increased effort, the expertise of this doctor or that psychologist, a new plan, a wiser budget...I can do everything I determine to do.

I am a product of Western culture which genuinely assumes God as a last resort, if at all, only intervening when every last effort of my own has been exhausted.  As a matter of fact, somehow, my Christianity has reinforced this!  I assume God is standing with His arms crossed, a slight hint of a scowl on his face, as He watches to see how wisely and responsibly I will make use of the instructions, abilities and resources He has put at my disposal.  How directly opposite is this notion from the very words Jesus spoke!  And yet, it somehow seems so spiritual to my easily deceived heart which is drawn like a magnet to independence and self-reliance.

Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?" Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent." John 6:28-29
 
There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.  1 Cor. 12:5-7
 
for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Phil. 2:13
 
Out of context, hanging in the background of all this grace stuff, was the threat that "to whom much has been given, much is expected."  But what is the much I have been given and by which I have assumed this scowling threat for so long?  I have been given unreasonable acceptance and unlimited grace by which my deserved cursing has been placed on Jesus and His earned blessings have been credited to me!  I have been drenched in uncontainable love, given His unconstrained power by which He is making all things new, even me.  When I have been given this much, even more, there is no way it would not splash out into all my relationships and circumstances.  It is not for me to keep to myself, or bury in the ground as if valueless.  And because it is God at work in and through me, it cannot be contained even if I try.  (see Jonah)
 
because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. Hebrews 10:14
 
Because of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, I am being made holy and do not make myself holy, as if that were ever possible anyway.  (see Adam and Eve and the Pharisees and really the whole story of Israel)  Because He covers me in His acceptance and beauty and accomplishments, I no longer have to cover up and deny my own unacceptability, mess and failed attempts at holiness.  I do not have to be ashamed of my great need for a Redeemer (as demonstrated by the horrible thing I said, the angry way I behaved, the deceptive way I live, the fearful anxiety to which I have bowed, etc.) because I have a great Redeemer to meet that need and the great needs of others.  Why then do I dread above all things others seeing that I actually can't love, speak, think or act like Him apart from Him alone and never by anything commendable in me?  Why do I always want my stories of redemption to be past tense rather than letting people see that right this minute I need Him, every hour I need Him!?  What if the best way for others to see this great Redeemer more clearly is for me to let them see more vividly my own great need for Him, not last year or last week, but today?
 
"Apart from me you can do nothing" is not a new command but an eternal reality.  It is Good News because it includes the fact the Gospel has never asked anyone to handle life alone, to cover or disguise any shame with fig leaves, to figure it out independently, to manage, to provide, to solve, to rescue, to protect, to heal, to help or to recover for even a breath apart from Him.  The only scowling face is my own, apart from Him.  May I hear the words of the Father about His Son as they too are spoken to me in Him, and smile with His delight at His work in me:
 
Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him,
and he will proclaim justice to the nations.  Matt. 12:18/Is. 42:1

In Praise of Hymns

OK, so this will be a rare Scripture-less post to give a shout out to hymns, which so eloquently express the story of Scripture:

One of the many high moments of my week at the PCA General Assembly in Nashville was a Hymn Sing at the Ryman.  Earlier in the evening, a member of Indelible Grace, Jeremy Casella, explained his need and affection for the hymns with a memory from college.  He had gone to a worship service with friends where everyone around him seemed to be feeling something that he wasn't, able to sing words of delight that he couldn't, and experiencing a Christianity that did not seem compatible with life as he knew it.  He said, "The Gospel deals with reality and my life is saturated in reality.  There are so many worship songs that don't seem to reflect reality."  He went on to say that his appreciation of the hymns came as he saw that they refelcted the message of the Gospel which allows for doubt, weak faith, moral failure, deep pain and yet hope, trust and ultimate glory to the One writing the story of redemption which includes all these things.  As Kevin Twit, the leader of Indelible Grace commented, "I have a great need for Jesus and a great Jesus for my need.  The hymns reflect both.  Styles can change (and often should), but the content of the Gospel never does."

Here are a couple of the many that particulary struck me this week:
I Asked The Lord by John Newton, 1779


I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face

Twas He who taught me thus to pray
And He I trust has answered prayer
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair

I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He'd answer my request
And by His love's constraining power
Subdue my sins and give me rest

Instead of this He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart
And let the angry powers of Hell
Assault my soul in every part

Yea more with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Cast out my feelings, laid me low

Lord why is this, I trembling cried
Wilt Thou pursue thy worm to death?
"Tis in this way" The Lord replied
"I answer prayer for grace and faith"

"These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou mayest seek thy all in me,
That thou mayest seek thy all in me."

And a longer time favorite:
O Love That Will Not Let Me Go by George Mattheson, 1882

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that foll’west all my way,
I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.