Self-Preservation Before the Cross

My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. Col. 2:2-4

What strikes me here in Paul's writing is that fine-sounding arguments are so easily able to persuade me that the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are separate from the person and work of Jesus.  "They" never say that, so blatantly, of course (and by "they" I mean the chorus which is often enlarged by my own heart's inner monologue!) .  But I've been thinking more about the way people use the word wisdom - almost as a threat when they don't like the choice you are making.  When I tell someone "I don't think what you are doing is wise", I almost never mean, "I don't think what you are doing looks like the person and work of Jesus."  No, what I usually mean is that it isn't good budgeting, or it might not keep you safe from getting hurt or protected from losing something valuable.  It is just startling to me how easily I begin to believe that the American dream is perfectly compatible with Christian faithfulness - comfort, security and prosperity.  Any alternative automatically means a wasteful, irresponsible suicide mission.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.  Col. 2:6-10

I am easily thrust into doubt and self-consciousness because the arguments against God's calling may be hollow, but they are powerfully deceptive.  The basic principles of this world and human tradition have merit.  Traditions exist because they worked successfully more than once.  Principles of this world, such as self-preservation, self-protection and self-interest are hard to argue against on a moral level when brought into real life contexts.  But they become much harder to defend at the foot of the cross.

but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.
1 Cor. 1:23-24Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Phil. 2:4


May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. Gal. 6:14


This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1 John 3:16



For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.  Mark 8:35

I am pretty sure that Jesus was not on an irresponsible, wasteful, suicide mission.  Being in very nature God, He took on the nature of a servant.  He surrendered His rights to be served by the world, to be served by His accomplishments and merits, to be served by His reputation and chose to love those who did not even love Him first.  Actually, He came to those who were at enmity with Him, starting with Adam and Eve.  God's people for whom Jesus entered creation didn't just "not love Him", they despised His reminder that they were not gods unto themselves.  He did not fear what others would say about or do to or take from Him because there was nothing of His character, value, power, love, purpose or presence that was, is or could ever be in the least bit threatened or diminished.

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. John 12:24

My inclination to cling to the familiarity and safety of the stalk feels quite reasonable.  I am scared about what others might say or do or take from me.  But nobody is fed by wheat that remains in the field until it withers and dies.  When I put self-preservation before the suffering of the cross, it feels immediately prudent until I see Jesus.  Then I realize that it is only in His death that I have life and it is because of His life, death and resurrection that I am guaranteed of abundant life - not the American dream but something fuller and more satisfying: the depths and riches of being one with Father through Jesus...an inheritance that thieves cannot steal nor can moths or rust destroy.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Cor. 1:18

The Patient

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Gal. 2:20


One of my favorite Homer Simpson lines from back in the day is, "And now we play The Waiting Game...the Waiting Game sucks!  Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippo instead!"  Oddly, I have found comfort in that crazy yellow cartoon man's words as I have waited through this adoption process and it's many steps, waited and waited for our former home to sell (and then to find renters when the sale fell through), waited and waited and waited to get to our permanent address (which also has been deferred) and then waited through the grueling banking process to close on this next home on that same street.  Now that we are actively moving towards finally living there, it is clear that waiting alone does not grow patience.  Experience is not a guaranteed teacher.  And, patience not only isn't taught, it clearly isn't "caught" either.

God doesn't teach patience as if it is informational or conceptual.  Patience isn't a skill to be fine tuned by repeated practice, it isn't a lesson to be learned, and it isn't a commodity to "go get".  Patience is part of who God is:  God is love.(1 John 4:16)  Love is patient. (1 Cor. 13:4)

It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 1 Cor. 1:30

A man's wisdom gives him patience;...Prov. 19:11a

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Gal. 5:22-23


Jesus, who is the very embodiment of God, in whom the fullness of God dwells, became wisdom and lives in me.  As His life is revealed in me, His patience becomes evident like fruit on a tree which grows in the appointed season.  I can't learn patience or "get" patience or hone my patience skills because Jesus isn't a lesson or a commodity or a skill .  Whether by a huge life transition (moving, adopting, birthing, new jobs, marriage, etc.) or bumper to bumper traffic, or a waiting room where time seems to stand still, I am confronted (and harassed) by my lack of patience and often merely resolve to learn, fine tune or get more.

But the complete picture of patience is also how we use the term in dealing with whiney children, disgruntled adults, chronic illnesses and other evidences of broken shalom around us: long suffering.  And that is where the connection between patience and Jesus becomes even more clear.  My hope in Christ is integrally connected to "long suffering".

In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering.  Hebrews 2:10

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Rom. 5:1-5

When my heart starts pounding, my nerves stand on end, my mind won't stop racing or my mouth begins firing darts at those around me, would I not look to new resolves or methods but to Jesus - the author and perfector of my faith.  It is His person that is needed, not some manufactured counterfeit aspect of Him. 

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Phil. 1:4-6

In All Things

You grumbled in your tents and said, "The LORD hates us; so he brought us out of Egypt to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us.  Where can we go? Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say, 'The people are stronger and taller than we are; the cities are large, with walls up to the sky. We even saw the Anakites there.' "


Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."  In spite of this, you did not trust in the LORD your God, who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go. Deut. 1:27-33

I am exactly like the Israelites.  God, time and time again, makes His presence known, His love evident, His provision tangible and yet my Gospel amnesia is so great that moments later I am convinced I will die alone in the desert and be eaten by wild animals.  "As a Father carries his son..." is His promise to me as one clothed in His Son, yet I am more prone to believe I have to walk alone and get there by my own will and wit.  Each cactus shadow makes me jump and dread what lies ahead.  So, how does the person and work of Jesus confront my unbelief in seasons of scurry, change, upheaval, and uncertainty?  Why do the dominant voices of cynicism and fear have such success in minimizing His dominion in my heart?

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.  Rom. 8:15-17

Is it possible that this season of waking at night, after I've fallen asleep for a couple of hours, due to high anxiety and an overactive mind is sharing in Christ's sufferings?  When He alone spent time fully separated from our Heavenly Father, on the cross smothered and covered in my guilt and toxic sin, it must have made His heart pound with fear and desperation like I will never really know.  That wide eyed terror of being confronted by traumatic destruction and loss is not possible in the presence God whose perfect love casts out all fear.  My experience with mild doses of that kind of fear happens because somewhere deep down where I can't seem to control it, I believe I am separated from God's good, loving, kind care and protection.

For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? Rom. 8:29-35

The existence of unknown wicked schemes of those who could cause me great harm, from governments to businesses to strangers just down the street, does not mean that my sonship (daughtership) is a thing of the past or that even those are somehow excluded from conforming me into the likeness of His Son!  How does His Fatherhood, Kingship and Redemptive Lordship interpret the scenarios which most grip my heart with fear?



For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. Col. 1:16-18


Nothing can separate me from His love or His Fatherly care because there is no scenario from which He is separate.  He was not absent in the desert or in the fiery furnace.  His children throughout biblical history have been told not to fear because He is with them!  The children still get placed in lions' dens, whale bellies, before hateful kings, in the forced servitude of wicked masters...and yet in all these things God is conforming His people to His image, even as they all find their meaning and purpose in Him. 

Genuine separation from the Father will forever only have been experienced by One of His children - the Child.  Because Jesus endured that, I do not have to fear such a genuine and helpless isolation.  In what scenario can I find myself separated from His Fatherhood, His Kingship or His Lordship?  Jesus is at work in my fears to birth a new depth of belief in His promises, person and work.  Oh may I move from mere theological agreement with "sonship" to trusting His Fatherhood and living securely as His child.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 

even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

Psalm 139:7-12

Nothing Can Separate

My brain is tired.  My body is tired.  Life is good, thankfully, but full...also thankfully.  It has been nice to have a season of forward movement in contrast to the previous one which just seemed so full of setbacks and disappointments.  But those hard places make my weakness so clear and therefore my dependence on His power, control and work so much more evident to my heart.  In this new season of "practical decision making" and straight forward task lists to accomplish, my Gospel sight seems blurry and my heart, quite frankly, feels a little numb.  Those fragile places at least make me feel more confident of His presence, while this more stable (so relatively stated) season makes me feel more distant from the One I need the most.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:28-29


What does it mean that I am loved well, deeply, and fully now, in the midst of my blurred vision and short circuiting brain?  Why is it easier to believe His unmerited love for me when I am feeling lashed on every side than in the quiet of "normal" daily life?  I'm guessing it has something to do with my default sense of responsibility to aggressively pursue Him, therefore feeling righteous in my active, holy pursuit.  Put more plainly:  when it feels totally out of my control, I can believe His grace covers me.  However, when I gain the smallest sense of renewed strength, I assume just like time in a hospital or under the care of family, I am in danger of overstaying my welcome in the generosity of that sacrificial service.  What it comes down to, it seems, is a pernicious belief that the covering and smothering of His grace, of His gracious, merciful affections and sovereignty over the details of my life, is somehow merited by my weakness and forfeited by my "strength".
 
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. John 4:10
 
While I was still a sinner, He died for me.  When did I stop being a sinner?  On a practical level, I didn't.  From a legal sense, I was given Jesus' innocense as He took my guilt.  But what must be lurking under all my insecurities before is a false sense of my own righteousness, which essentially says, "Yeah, I was a poor shmuck back then when I needed Jesus to die for me.  But now that's done and I have enough righteousness that I shouldn't be so dependent upon Him anymore.  This failure of mine to be faithful, to be actively pursuing His favor and intimacy, rests fully on my shoulders now." 
 
At no point in biblical history have God's people deserved His pursuit, His help, His mercy, His kindness, His strength, His protection, His affections or His adoration, except one:
 
And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." Matt. 3:17
 
In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Rom. 6:11
 
It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 1 Cor. 1:30
 
At some point in there, after the moment of crisis passed, I stopped finding myself in Christ and began to believe that I was merely in me, in my own righteousness and self-redemption.  I began wondering what I must do, what I should be thinking differently, how I might "get back" to feeling "in Christ".  From God's perspective, I never left.  He has sealed me in and will bring me to deeply believe this Gospel's promise about my security in Him even as He reminds my faith is not complete yet.
 
For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. 2 Cor. 1:20-22


Oh may I begin to deeply and genuinely believe this!

The Pull Apart Game

My last paid job before birthing babies was working with students at our former church.   My favorite part of the job was the trips we took, whether international mission trips or local weekend retreats.  (There is no substitute for that kind of time with people even at my current stage of life.)  A particular junior high trip up to the YMCA camp on Lake Burton called High Harbor sticks out in my memory because of a field game called the "Pull Apart" game.  It's about as ridiculous as the name implies and one you'd only find on such a retreat.  All of a certain category (boys/girls/kids/grown-ups) connect themselves together on the ground with tangled arms, legs and hands.  Then, the other category of people works hard to pull them all apart until the last connected pair is declared the winner. 

Not surprisingly, one of the little girls came out of the game crying that her arm was hurting.  If you know anything about junior high, this meant that about fifteen other girls needed to be intimately involved in the trauma.  Being exceptionally sensitive, I told them all to pipe down and that she was fine and then I took her to the infirmary to get some ice.  She showed up at church the next week with a huge cast because, it turns out, her arm had been broken in two places.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. Romans 12:3-5

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Gen. 1:18

From the beginning, it seems, no individual has ever had the capacity to image God completely or sufficiently independently.  And yet, from the beginning, the Pull Apart Game has been in effect, determining to separate individuals from one another.  I've been feeling this so much lately and thinking about excessively as if it's a riddle to solve or like I can cure it if I just find the golden key.

Here is the evidence of the pull apart game that is like finding maddening signatures left behind from a serial killer:  A couple's marriage dissolves into a tense roommate status because it's easier than sorting through all the hurts, disappointments, shame and turmoil to work towards genuine harmony and joy.  A small group Bible study brings together people who apparently like each other but feel awkward trying to get on the same page theologically and socially so eventually, individuals stop coming.  Friends move into new life stages which reveal differing perspectives on materialism, politics, and their faith.  They get together a little less frequently until their meetings are just by chance at someone's birthday party or other gathering.  The point is, the pull to separateness and distance between people seems to consistently overpower any desire for intimacy and genuine unity. The result is not just broken arms and broken body parts, but a broken Body. Our disconnects (socially, politically, spiritually and relationally) seem like impenetrable iron walls which grow thicker and taller and leave any notion of connectedness defeated.  

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. Is. 53:5

While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body." Matt. 26:26
He was pulled apart so that we could be reconciled...to Him and to one another.  He took our disconnects and replaced them with His righteousness, the only righteousness which unifies all people from all backgrounds who come from all perspectives.

And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Col. 1:18-20


The only One who could image God fully without dependence on other men, Jesus, is also the very same only One who can kick holes through the iron walls and level them to the ground.  Those little girls who gathered around the friend with the broken arm were right to be concerned and notice something was not right about this game.  My sin is indeed as great a deceiver as that snake in the Garden, luring me into isolation even if means a broken arm.  Christ in me, the hope of glory, gives me confidence that He who is in me is in deed greater than he who is in the world, even greater than my own divided heart.  I can do nothing alone about the iron walls that spring up like weeds around me, but He can.

My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them. John 17:20-16

Heart Doctor

I have been in a couple of conversations this weekend about relationships that are strained or individuals who are struggling.  My impulse, and the course of these conversations, is to play private detective with a determination to "solve" the problem and provide a solution.  Depressed?  How about taking some medicine, thinking less of yourself and more about others, getting some exercise or talking to someone about it?  Angry?  Let's just name what you're angry about and deal rationally with the options available.  Weary?  Get some sleep, reduce your committments, go see a movie and have a glass of wine.  Overweight?  Stop eating so much and exercise more.  And the pithy advice just keeps flowing.

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Sam. 16:7

"Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them. "Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man 'unclean'; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him 'unclean.' " Matt. 15:16-20

My tendency to prescribe behavioral changes, attitude changes or introduce new information or thinking as a hope for solving the problems of those around me and those evident in my own life completely omits Jesus.  It isn't just a problem of leaving Him out, as if His feelings will be hurt.  I too quickly forget that no fundamental change is possible without the work He alone can effect in my heart.  My harsh words, bad eating habits, inability to connect deeply in relationships, cynicism, fear, doubt, anger, depression, and whatever is stealing life from me may be abated by external changes, attitude changes or clever quotes, but never radically or permanently transformed.  My thoughts, attitudes, words and actions come from a heart with it's own motivations, desires, demands and agenda.  Until these are acknowledged, new rules and regulations placed on my problem of talking too much, for example, will at best keep me constrained for a short period but at worst take me one step closer to exploding under the weight of the constraint. Yet, this is all I offer as solutions for others in conflict or suffering.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  Ezek. 36:26

This is his, her and my hope of change!  The motives, desires and demands of my heart are behind all of his, her and my words, actions, attitudes and behaviors.  Our motives, desires and demands are not always pure and righteous, and most often they have to do with the assumption that our will should be done and we should be honored, praised and served.  I am not capable of transforming my self-serving inclinations into authentically pure, selfless and biblically loving motives.  When I start to see this deep need for what only Jesus can do, my hope is refocused to Him and His transforming power and away from my getting what I demand or simply from other people conforming to an outcome I'd like to see from them.  Suddenly, my need to pray, and the reality of my dependence upon the person and work of Jesus where my person and work are totally insufficient, become more than just information but the catalyst to maturing my faith.

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.  Col. 1:9-14

Show Don't Tell

Philip found Nathanael and told him, "We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph." "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" Nathanael asked. "Come and see," said Philip. John 1:45-46

This passage first became meaningful to me around my junior year of college, yet I still have not become like Philip.  Unlike Philip, (but very much like Peter's impulse to chop off an ear), I would have immediately launched into "Let me tell you what good!"  I would have wanted to convince Nathanael right then and there of all that I had discovered Jesus to be.  But, like Mary in contrast to Martha, Philip chose what was better and determined to take Nathanael to see Jesus rather than just remain there in debate or discussion about Him.

When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, "Here is a true Israelite, in whom there is nothing false." "How do you know me?" Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you." Then Nathanael declared, "Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel." Jesus said, "You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You shall see greater things than that." He then added, "I tell you the truth, you shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man." John 1:47-50

Philip didn't get angry about Nathanael's cynicism or lack of belief.  Philip didn't take it upon himself to address these issues with him or correct them for him.  I can only guess, but perhaps Philip really understood deeply that faith is a heart issue, not simply an intellectual one, and that there is only One who is capable of changing hearts and developing faith.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:2-3

I grow weary and lose heart because my eyes are not fixed on Jesus but on my own sin, on the sin and unbelief of others and all the opposition to a Christian faith that is about the person and work of Jesus and not about the person and work of the Christian.  My eyes are on the storm, not on the One who sleeps peacefully in the midst of it.

Philip was right.  The author and perfecter of Nathanael's faith was Who he needed to encounter, not Philip.  As a "true Israelite", Nathanael must have understood the reference to Jacob's dream in which the Lord of the ladder was clearly Him, the One who reconciled God and man, heaven and earth.  Nathanael's lack of belief wasn't corrected through a beating, a lecture or a better marketing job.  The offspring of the woman, the prophet, priest and king, the Son of God to whom all previous sons of God had pointed, was standing before Him, knowing Him and cherishing Him. 

Any beginner's writing course in high school, if not junior high and elementary school, will emphasize the importance of a good story showing the readers what the writer wants them to picture, not just telling them.  We've all read poorly written adolescent fiction that comes right out and tells the reader what to feel rather than evoking those emotions through rich character development and vivid scene depiction.  "Show don't tell" allows the readers to discover themes and meanings themselves and therefore own them more deeply.  It is the very same reason Socrates was such a masterful teacher, asking questions of his students rather than just downloading information and dumping it on them.  Philip didn't fall into the trap of simply telling Nathanael what to think about Jesus.  He showed him Jesus.

Mostly, what I am seeing, is that I need to see Jesus.  I need to "come and see", and not be content to sit with my own thoughts and internal discussions and information.  As Paul Miller referenced in A Praying Life, my doctrine of Sonship is no replacement for genuine intimacy with the Son.  It doesn't occur to me, or worse I am afraid, to take others to see Jesus when I am not going to Him myself.  It is His kindness that leads me to repentance, His gentleness that redirects my pre-occupation with self, His joy that gives me strength and His peace, even in the face of things that terrify me, that gives me confidence.  If my response to others is ever going to be anything like Philip's, it will be because I deeply believe that I need to come and see.

When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. 1 Peter 2:23-25

Put Your Sword Back

Some close friends of mine, who I get together with every other week, are in the habit of asking regularly for a "feelings check in".  It sounds lame or girly or overly touchy feely, but I can assure it's not.  We are learning to glimpse what is happening in our hearts by the way we respond to people and circumstances.  My anxiety or weariness or hyperactivity or rage or belly laughter all reflect something true about the condition of my heart, what I believe about myself, what I genuinely believe about the person and work of Jesus and about the world.

On Friday, if you will please excuse the embarrassing crassness of the expression (Mom, you did raise me better and I won't say it "out loud"), my FCI was "pissed off".  The bank, who is supposed to be giving us our loan for a home in a "distressed neighborhood", is just acting redonkulous.  I have affectionately named it Uncle Laban for the unpredictable new requirements that come each day before we may close.  (One of my favorites from last week was that the nasty carpet, which we pulled back to discover beautiful hardwood floors, must be re-stapled to the floor so that we may get our loan.)  Then, on top of that stuff, the disconnections between people just seemed to be everywhere and more the rule for relationships around me than genuine intimacy and connectedness.  I had just had enough of things not going the way I thought they should and looking quite different than my Gospel imagination envisions redemption in all things.

Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, "Greetings, Rabbi!" and kissed him. Jesus replied, "Friend, do what you came for."  Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him. With that, one of Jesus' companions reached for his sword, drew it out and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear. "Put your sword back in its place," Jesus said to him, "for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?" Matthew 26:49-54

I realized yesterday in church that I am exactly like Peter.  I just want to chop off some ears and fight for Jesus, but I don't really understand Who He is or what He is doing.  I'm quick to deny Him right after I've drawn my sword for Him because I'm still living in externals, looking to the tangible, wanting the victory in the moment and totally forgetting I'm in the middle of a far more epic tale than can be captured in one scene.
 
The impatience, panic and agitation I feel with things not going as I would script them is because I don't remember, trust or even really believe they are going precisely by His script.  I refuse to believe that even the momentary disconnect has redemptive value and will not be settled simply by my beating someone up about it.  The Scriptures will be fulfilled, and all things will be made new.  Harmony and unity will be restored in relationships both between one person and another and with God.  Creation will not only be restored, but will be better than Eden, revealing it as merely a shadow of better things to come.  Do I really believe this?  Do I really trust that He will do this?  While my mind says "yes", my impatient and agitated heart exposes a different state of my faith.
 
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
 
What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

Will I trust Jesus, even in the seasons of dying, uprooting, killing, tearing down, weeping, mourning, scattering, refraining, giving up, throwing away, tearing, silence, hatred, war and toil?  Will I put away my sword, deeply believing that only by His person and work, through the Holy Spirit, will the season of birth, planting, healing, building, laughing, dancing, gathering, embracing, searching, keeping, mending, speaking, loving, peace and rest reveal the beauty of God's recreation in His people and all aspects of the environment?  Oh might I become more carried away with Him than with being a soldier in His army.  May I believe more deeply and genuinely that the One who calls me is faithful, and He will do it.

The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble. Proverbs 19:23