Strong Ending

From a fairly early age, I found "endings" nearly impossible to handle.  I would cry at their portrayal in a movie or in a book, and I would cry and totally melt down about them in real life.  My parents often dreaded sending me off to a spend-the-night, or probably even to camp, simply because I had such a hard time transitioning back when those fun times were over.  To this day, the ending of beach weeks leaves me grieving for a few days, as does the end of summer and the end of school.  Perhaps it is a fear of change, perhaps there is a safety in the moment that isn't certain in the unknown next moment.  Sometimes it is just as simple as "This is fun and I don't want the fun to end!"  We're at just such another moment as the school year comes to an end and therefore, our official ties to these two school communities is also coming to an end since we are not returning to either next year.  I woke up in a panic about it last night.

The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.  Matt. 8:25-26

That is about the nature of my internal alarm..."Ahhh, I'm going to drown!!!!"  In my case, because there are no actual waves, it is not exactly a rational fear...which makes it all the more gripping.  I assume with the fishermen, they knew how to handle themselves in a boat in calm water.  They knew that so well, probably, they could do it with their eyes shut.  They knew that system, all the rules of navigation, the familiar tidal patterns and smells and sense of community among the other boats.  But sailing out into this storm was not normal, it was not known and they felt all alone.

If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  Matt. 6:30-31

If God cares so much about that which is perishing, of course He cares infinitely more about His children who He is growing and preparing for eternity.  Again, I'm not actually worried about what I'll eat, drink or wear, but it is that same encompassing panic that comes from a sense of disorientation that leads me to forget He is caring for me, is with me and will never leave me nor forsake me.  What happens to me in these times of endings is that I feel my grasp on stability coming loose, so I forget that His never does.  To dig a little deeper, my heart believes that my well being or strength or even confidence is tied to my grip on a certain community or position or routine rather than God's grip on me.

After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." Gen. 15:1

See, my shield is my association with socially approved institutions or groups. Or, maybe not even socially approved but how about just identifiable?  "Oh no, no, I am not invisible or average, see I am connected to this school/this club/this alma mater/this function/this cause..."  I don't just hide behind these communities but I clothe myself in them rather than Jesus.  I feel confident dressed in them and totally naked without them.  So, the fear that gripped me in the middle of the night was essentially, "I am about to be naked after tomorrow, Ellie's last day at Westminster!"

The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. Gen. 3:21

The men designated by name took the prisoners, and from the plunder they clothed all who were naked. They provided them with clothes and sandals, food and drink, and healing balm. All those who were weak they put on donkeys. So they took them back to their fellow Israelites at Jericho, the City of Palms, and returned to Samaria.  2 Chron. 28:15

I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.  Is. 61:10

for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.  Gal. 3:27

I am not naked but clothed in the only identity that doesn't have an ending, ever.  My connection isn't to a man-made institution or conditionally defined group or set of new laws for self-righteousness.  I am connected into the body of Jesus, clothed in Him and found, always, in Him.  My fears of failure with my children's education, fears of drowning in poor time management, fears of the wind and waves of unpredictability and changing communities all forget who is in control of the boat and those winds and waves.  Oh by the strength only possible if provided by His grace, would I not shrink back in shame as if naked today when we say our goodbyes to the predictable waters of Westminster.  Instead, would my joy and strength and confidence and hope and peace and anticipation be entirely focused on my bridegroom who has more in store for this boat ride than just routine sailing.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.  Prov. 31:25

Even if He Does Not

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:5


When we were trying to sell our townhouse in a market that not only was set against sellers of any kind of home, but particularly antagonistic toward condos, I wasn't afraid because I knew God was able.  He, of course, is not bound by statistics and market downturns.  Nothing is impossible for Him no matter how much doom and gloom was coloring the real estate market.  I expected Him to sell our place, and quickly, because He is able and because all those of little faith could see His sovereignty overpowering our limitations.


But it didn't sell.  Not only did it not sell, we had enough traffic to be totally disruptive to our daily lives for a year and a half and went through the emotional roller coaster of three separate offers which each fell through.  There were definitely moments in there where I felt "betrayed" by God.  I wanted to say, "Hey, God, I stuck my neck out there and believed in the face of unbelief and you just left me hanging!"


Though I spent too much time rolling my eyes at the damaging consequences of dispensational theology, I have to have compassion on the rapture preachers and believers after this weekend who have lost a great deal on top of their own dignity, many who might be vulnerable to losing their faith. The rapture expectant are reported to be "baffled" and dismayed because God did not show up as they had counted on Him doing.  In both cases, He did not conform to our image of Him. The mistake we both made was in placing our hope and trust in what we wanted God to do for us or, perhaps, how we both imagined Him being glorified in the eyes of others.  A "betrayal" indicates disloyalty or dishonesty and I can only think God has been disloyal if I have reversed the order in our relationship while at the same time deep down coming to believe He owes me something.  We forget whose image is to be glorified and even who is the image and who is God.


Listen, my people, and I will speak; I will testify against you, Israel: I am God, your God. I bring no charges against you concerning your sacrifices or concerning your burnt offerings, which are ever before me. I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills.  I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine.  If I were hungry I would not tell you,
for the world is mine, and all that is in it. Psalm 50:7-12


Because God is good, when someone has a serious illness, we pray in confidence that He will heal them because He is good.  Because God is able, I assume He will do the impossible as evidence of His ability and love for me.  Because God loves me, I expect Him to never leave me hanging as if to make a fool of me but to always act in a way that elevates me because of my faith.  What escapes my paradigm in all of these assumptions is the fact that God has nothing to prove and nobody to win over.  He is God.  He does not exist to glorify me or validate my faith in Him.

LORD, our Lord, 

   how majestic is your name in all the earth!

   You have set your glory 

   in the heavens. 

Through the praise of children and infants 

   you have established a stronghold against your enemies, 

   to silence the foe and the avenger. 

When I consider your heavens, 

   the work of your fingers, 

the moon and the stars, 

   which you have set in place, 

what is mankind that you are mindful of them, 

   human beings that you care for them?

 You have made them a little lower than the angels 

   and crowned them with glory and honor. 

You made them rulers over the works of your hands; 

   you put everything under their feet: 

all flocks and herds, 

   and the animals of the wild, 

 the birds in the sky, 

   and the fish in the sea, 

   all that swim the paths of the seas.

  LORD, our Lord, 

   how majestic is your name in all the earth!  Psalm 8

God has given us His image to wear and in which to take part in the gardening of His creation. He is mindful of us, full of mercy and compassion and abounding in love.  He cares for us like a newborn and faithfully sustains us like a mother bird or even a mother bear.  But my faith is to be placed in Him alone and not in the many ideas I have for how He can best do His job and prove my belief to be as sight.

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.  Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal.  Is. 26:3-4

By His grace and merciful restraint, may my heart trust in the person and work of Jesus as my Rock and not gravitate toward trusting my PR plans for Him or my notions of how He should work out His character before me.  Then, when the condo doesn't sell or the rapture doesn't occur on May 21 at 6pm in each time zone, my faith remains intact because it trusts exclusively in Him and His ways rather in my faith as an entity unto itself and my own holy plans.

If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.  Dan. 3:17-18

Displacement

I was the "Silly Scientist" in Chad's class this week and did an experiment with sinking and floating objects.  As I did some quick research online to find a simple explanation for 5 year olds about why something like an anchor sinks but the boat in which the anchor is held floats, the word displacement kept coming up.  Displacement sounds negative because of the "dis" in the word.  But really, it just means that water which was taking up one space is moved to another space.  I'll be honest, I still don't totally get the explanations that are supposed to make sense to pre-schoolers, but I have been thinking about displacement even so.


The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. “I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.  I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”  Gen. 12:1-3

God spoke this to Abraham and it was a picture of God's plan for redemption, ultimately accomplished through His son.  Jesus left His home and it is through Him that all peoples are blessed.  It is through His person and work that the Garden flourishes as was intended by the work of the first Adam.  Life, not just in the ethereal future way, but in the present abundance of green plants, strong bodies, fruitful labor and harmonious relationships comes through Jesus alone.  Abraham and Jesus were displaced to grow the Kingdom.  I have been feeling a little displaced lately, too, and it isn't all bad.


Kind of like the water being moved from one location to another, I have been moved by my neighborhood, which has displaced me from the affections that once occupied the same space. The need I used to have to be "going steady" with certain friends or groups has been replaced with a real satisfaction and contentment with the people who live in the houses right around me.  The value of a Southern Accents home has been replaced with a value of spaces that can be spilled on, stepped on and at times, drawn on by neighbor children.   Tight schedules have been replaced with flexible ones that often exchange visible "productivity" with slow, relational investment.  Just like the boat and the water can't both occupy the same space at the same time, I can't be the center of my space and time and have God's Kingdom at the center of that same space and time.


Does this mean I have no limits?  No, unfortunately, my threshold for disorder (as defined by my own sense of lack of control) has grown but still has a long way to go.  Like the pump at the gas station which suddenly clicks off when the tank is full, without warning my ease with flexibility and others in my space and time can suddenly click off and angry, intolerant Jane replaces peaceful, easy going Jane.


What then shall we say, brothers and sisters? When you come together, each of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. Everything must be done so that the church may be built up.  If anyone speaks in a tongue, two—or at the most three—should speak, one at a time, and someone must interpret.  1 Cor. 14:26-27


God is a God of order.  Chaos is not how His creation thrives.  The problem for me is that I don't often acknowledge His order as I cling tightly to my own.  Control brings order, and the less I trust His control, the more I depend upon my own control.  The more that life around me feels out of control, the tighter I grip my fist of control and the more intense my efforts to restore order become.  Here is the distinction:  My order and control is implemented with anger and irritability, panic and desperation.  It usually is harsh and hurtful, valuing the order way above the creation and the people in my way.  God's order is simply the means by which He restores and sustains shalom among His people and all of creation.  His control and order bring life where mine squishes it right out.


The weird thing about displacement is that as it turns out, water doesn't have to stay in just one spot.  As a matter of fact, how many analogies have been given about the Dead Sea being stagnant because it has no outward flow?  Being displaced keeps the water filled with life even as it carries life through new channels and pathways, nourishing fields, valleys and forests along the way.  But the somewhat sad aspect of the "dis" comes with the reality that old spaces and connections have to be left behind in order to restore and sustain life as offspring of Adam, the Second Adam and members of His body.


So, I am acknowledging my newly realized displacement with both a welcomed sense of peace accompanied by a slight sense of sadness not knowing if I will ever return to my homeland, so to speak.  He has invited me to leave my kingdom of me and all that goes into preserving and strengthening it and to see His Kingdom growing around me.  And, just like a science lab experiment, displacement actually raises the water level, lifting it to what theoretically would be a greater view than was possible before.  I am displaced because of new life He has introduced to me, and it is in this displacement that new life is growing.



“What do you want me to do for you?” “Lord, I want to see,” he replied.  Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has healed you.”  Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it, they also praised God.  Luke 18:41-43

For I Am Your God

But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Psalm 33:11


I was flipping the stations in my car yesterday when a talk show host caught my attention for a minute.  It wasn't long into that minute that I heard his declaration that our country was in great peril of dissolving if the upcoming elections don't go the way he believes they must.  Oh how such certain peril, communicated with passionate urgency and panic, is really effective in making a listener scared and equally convinced that an impending doom lurks around the corner if people don't act/think/speak/believe a certain way.  "Your children will never be lost from God's grip if you...",  "Our country will decay at mach speed unless we...", "God cannot bless you if you don't..."


Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21


For good or for evil, a person's plans can never interfere with God's purposes.  Evil intentions, ignorance or just foolishness cannot thwart God's plans as if His power is in any way limited by man's sin or blindness or rebellion.  I guess this is why it makes me so mad when I hear even preachers start throwing out threats to their congregation as if the future of the country or their individual family rests on their "doing it just right".  Hope, peace and well being then become rooted in the man's will rather than in God's alone.  The central character in that story becomes the creation rather than the creator.


But it is not just radio talk show hosts or preacher's with Gospel amnesia who preach fear to our hearts instead of pointing our confidence and faith to the One who is in control of all thing.  My own voice is quick to preach "doom, doom".  It comes in the late hours of the night when my imagination is the most morbid.  It is in those moments when I am sure I have lost my children's affections forever because I was so preoccupied all day or because "I always..." or "we never...".  (Always and never are very important words for my fearful voice - they are the most extreme and insurmountable.)  Then there is my fear of regret (sort of like borrowed fear of something that is only remotely possible) and breath stealing, "What have I done!?"  The power behind all these fears, from the politicians and preachers to the condemning voice in my head is the absolute absence of a compassionate, long suffering, strong and powerful, good, wise and sovereign God.  I can only freak out if He ceases to exist or has abandoned His throne and has left me as "captain of my own vessel".  And if that is the case, I promise that whoever our next president is will have nothing to do with the world's demise.


I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mere mortals, human beings who are but grass, that you forget the LORD your Maker, who stretches out the heavens and who lays the foundations of the earth, that you live in constant terror every day because of the wrath of the oppressor, who is bent on destruction?  For where is the wrath of the oppressor?  The cowering prisoners will soon be set free; they will not die in their dungeon, nor will they lack bread.  For I am the LORD your God, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar— the LORD Almighty is his name. I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand— I who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, ‘You are my people.’”  Is. 51:12-16


Of course I immediately think of scary, dictator-like people when God tells me not to be afraid of "mere mortals", but guess who else He means?  Me!  I don't have to be afraid of me as if God has dominion over every single thing in all of creation except for me when I don't act properly or wisely or righteously or humbly or lovingly or...Yes, I don't even have to submit to my late night panics that I have ruined my children or my family or my own future by this or that because God is reigning over all of His creation, even me, and His purposes will always and forever prevail.

Mastering Comfort

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. psalm 119:50


Sometimes it is easy to identify those who worship comfort as they lie on the sofa eating more than they realize as their eyeballs glaze over in a television trance.  Sometimes it is more subtle, shopping because it "feels good", drinking too much too often, pushing snooze not as a break but as a rule and so on.  I'm coming to see that the "they" I am mentioning is very much a "we", including me.  Eating is not where comfort masters me, but laziness and procrastination definitely are.  Here is a specific way my willing submission to the master named "comfort" exposed itself to my heart recently:  sprinting up a very steep hill in a race with a runner in his early 20's.  Clearly he smoked me and as he passed me and it became evident I couldn't keep up, several things happened at once:  1) My competitive self hated it and felt helplessly out of shape.  2) Every molecule in my body was physically uncomfortable, in pain and wanting nothing more than to stop and lie down.  3) My eyes actually wanted to close and take a nap!  Comfort is a masterful slave driver because he is so compelling, so urgent, and promises to save my life from pain...literally.


I have heard many things like these; you are miserable comforters, all of you! Job 16:2


That seems to be the marking of an idol, really.  One who promises life yet can't actually deliver it.  For example, I learned from my sister that as long as a person is sleeping, serotonin levels stay low.  Low serotonin levels are linked to depression.  A depressed person thinks they need to stay in bed because they feel so low, but it turns out, they stay low as long as they stay in bed in and out of sleep.  Getting up and moving about actually raises the serotonin levels in a body, aiding in the elevation of mood.  I found that to be a great example of the powerfully deceptive nature of false masters or imposter gods.  Come you who are uncomfortable and I will comfort you, says the bed...yet like the Sirens, their seductive lure is to rob the victim of life.


Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Matt. 11:28


But there is another Master who offers comfort of a much different nature.  Because He has worked, I can rest in Him.  And the rest He offers is not the entitled, self-indulgent kind that simply leads to obesity and neglect of others.  He offers rest from the toil of my labor as He is reversing the curse even now.  The rest He offers, unlike the comfort offered by Job's friends, does not depend upon my doing more and trying harder nor thinking better or approaching things more positively.  They directed Job to a comfort apart from the person and work of Jesus where no true comfort is to be found.  His comfort is resourced not deep within myself but from all of Himself poured out to me.  And the end goal of His comfort is that as one who bears His image and has been given dominion over the earth, I might offer His comfort and whole life to every aspect of the creation around me.


Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  2 Cor. 1:3-4


As His image, I have been tasked with filling the earth with His image and subduing it to reflect Him more clearly.  This morning, my little area of the creation is my office/den which has grown wild with the weeds of too many papers, unopened mail, photographs and projects.  My old master comfort would suggest I delay, that it isn't going anywhere and isn't really urgent, but that my opportunity for comfort is urgent and might flee if I don't grab hold of it this very minute.  Jesus is a better Master, promising life and actually providing it.  Isn't a de-cluttered room far more restful than one screaming its demands at me, for example?  And more than just for me, rest will then be multiplied for my family and friends who enter this small plot of His creation.  His comfort extends to the nations, mine just stops with me.


Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.  For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. Romans 6:8-9


Death no longer has mastery over the second Adam, the first Adam or all who are identified in them.  The weeds and thorns of the ground will give way, in my labor and in my heart.  Oh would He restrain me from bowing to death, from submitting to the lure of closing my eyes in death rather than continuing, by faith, up the hill.  Would He give me the faith and the motivation to trust His mastery over comfort as well as His comforting Mastery today.

Come Follow Me

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen.  “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.”  At once they left their nets and followed him. Matt. 4:18-20


I've heard this story my whole life but lately, I've been thinking about what Jesus is offering here and always.  These guys are fisherman.  It is likely the primary environment they grew up around, the trade and culture in which they've participated and fine tuned since childhood and the expertise they've developed.  They aren't carpenters or teachers or doctors or farmers but fishermen.  It is what they know and what they do and how they provide for their living expenses and secure their future well being.  It is how they're known.  And Jesus asks them to leave it.  Maybe the staggering and terrifying and irresponsible nature of this invitation doesn't seem as startling if you've never contemplated leaving the only environment, culture or trade you've ever known.  But, it strikes me as exactly what Jesus has gifted me with this year.


I'm not a fisherman, I am a social creature.  My fishing boat is my network of friends and social contacts through the schools I've attended and the groups with which I've been associated.  "It's not what you know but who you know" has taken on the weight of God's Law in my heart and become the "trade" and culture in which I've participated and fine tuned my skills since childhood.  My family's future security and well being rests on the opportunities available through these networks as would not be available without them.  At the end of the day, I am no different than Israel trusting in a man-made golden calf for my future well being.  My golden calves just walk around on two legs in designer clothes and hold CEO positions and influential contacts. To drop my nets and walk away could leave me destitute...or, Jesus is suggesting, lead me out of bondage into freedom?

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”  At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. 

Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!”  The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, “Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God!  It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”  The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”  

Then Peter spoke up, “We have left everything to follow you!”   

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”

Jesus looked at him and loved him!  Jesus has compassion on my sinful, self-reliant self and says, "Father forgive her for she knows not what she does." He doesn't challenge me to leave my form of wealth to prove something to Him.  I'm not getting a spiritual bonus check for being more radical today than yesterday or more insane for Him than the guy next to me.  There is no additional righteousness to what Jesus has already fulfilled, rather, there is the invitation to trust in His righteousness and walk away from the slavery of my own.

I can't imagine the fear and anxiety those disciples must have had in the moments just before they walked away from the docks, but I know mine today as I have just two remaining weeks as "a Westminster family".  Surely they were plagued with doubts as sight of their boats behind them grew more distant.  Surely they felt that deep, breath stealing grief leaving behind what they could easily have kept, staying in the safety and security of the known and reliable.  They had no other trade, no back-up resources and no guarantee this new direction would serve their lifestyle needs in retirement.  They left the most tangible source of provision and personal security they had ever known. It could not have been done lightly.  But He drew them, and they came.  And He draws me, so I come to Him too.

They gave up their status among the fishing elite to take on the identity of nomads, without known expertise or specialties or connections in the new towns to which they came. But they soon discovered they were already with the author and giver of life, the One from whom every good gift is given.  Their identity moved from the familiarity of the docks to the ruler of all creation.  My trust also is invited to be transferred from the familiarity of one small social community(that has become huge in my idol making heart) to the One who sets up kings and deposes them.  He is working out this faith, even now, in my heart and He is completing this work of freedom that He has begun.  He is uncurling my fingers from slimy nets and wrapping them around and within His hands.  And already, the security and satisfaction I found in dead fish (no matter how big they seem in a small pond) is beginning to seem a little more puzzling than the person and work of Jesus on the wide open road.

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.  "You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." John 6:66-68

Unexpected Gift

We are not what you would describe as "in to cars", at least not if by "in to cars" you mean drive cool ones or have any idea what all those terms which describe the many parts under the hood.  Yes, I am including Terrell who had to ask what a running board is the other day.  We're utilitarian when it comes to those four wheeled motorized gas guzzlers.  Upon birthing babies, I had to leave my Jeep Wrangler behind for a minivan that ended up with about a crazy number of dents and scratches, unidentified interior stains and bad smells but awesome automatic doors...which worked sometimes.  Then on Tuesday our good friends at Goodyear told us unless we lose our minds, we should not put another penny into this vehicle which now needs a new engine.  So, we traded it in for a new car and I have been unexpectedly giddy over this new gift!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  James 1:17


I was very aware that though this was not our plan for Tuesday, it was God's.  It was His timing and His plan and His provision.  And I can enjoy it!  And enjoy it I have!!!  All the windows go up and down when I want them to, not just randomly when they feel like it. (:  It doesn't shake or double the impact of every bump.  But more than that, it is actually a really cool car and fun to drive.  Who would've known that a four wheeled gas guzzler could excite me so.  And it is good.


Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”  Neh. 8:10


Somewhere along the way, it became easier for people to moan and groan, to whine and complain, to lament and reminisce than to delight and enjoy.  I know for me, even though I am someone who really loves to joke and laugh, loss seems safer than gain.  There is an odd comfort to hardship and there is a bit of guilt that comes along with pleasure...maybe it is a throw back to the influence of stoicism.  It surely isn't a throw back to Jesus.  There is no increased righteousness for the person who had the harder day or the harder life.  Yet, my pharisee's heart tries to believe otherwise.  He gives us tastes of the unbroken that we can enjoy, with peace, knowing that He is good and He is righteous.


And then I received another unexpected gift yesterday: my neighbor Vivian surprised us by creating an outdoor room on our front porch with furniture and a rug from hers!  It was like coming home on an HGTV show.  Her gift was not merely a gift of stuff but of the labor of personally moving all that stuff up the street, arranging it and planning it all out in the first place as a way of saying, as she would phrase it, "Love you baby."  (Yeah, our neighborhood is really dangerous...you might not want to move here unless you want people giving you full room makeovers!)  And I have been thinking so much about her gift and the spirit of a gift of love and why it is we don't do that kind of bold giving to others more and why most of my gift giving is so lame and...


And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity.  For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own,  they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the Lord’s people. And they exceeded our expectations: They gave themselves first of all to the Lord, and then by the will of God also to us. 2 Cor. 8:1-5


Vivian has been generous to us since we first talked about moving to this street.  She has offered us a warm welcome, hugs and on the mouth kisses (:, advice from the perspective of long time neighbors, and now materially with furniture and sweat equity.  She did not give because it was Christmas, a birthday or a designated Hallmark holiday of any kind.  She did not give to get from us, to earn our admiration or affection, because she does not have need of that.  Her gift was purely a way of saying she loves us and wanted to bless us.  And even though God has already done that in the most dramatic cosmic way, He does the same  kind of gift giving to us in our everyday experience too.


The chairs with weathered cushions and vague rust marks will not take the place of Vivian in our hearts.  But they have already provided a wonderful place to sit with her on our front porch and hang out and get to hear about each other's day.  And with the Holy Spirit's restraint, that new car won't become something I clothe myself in rather than Jesus alone.  But it will remind me to thank Him, to celebrate the many good gifts He gives and perhaps begin to become more comfortable in plenty as well as in want.


I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  Phil. 4:12-13

Fun Run

My son's school had it's annual Fun Run this past Saturday and it really was fun.  All these kids from four year olds to high school students put on their new race t-shirts (a lovely tie dye this year) and their numbers and headed across the road from the school to line up for the race.  Brilliantly, the woman in charge of the race had them line up with oldest in front and the youngest at the back to avoid trampling.  My daughter started in a dead sprint, which she maintained for the majority of the run and even ended up getting 3rd in her age group.  Chad was distraught from the beginning because he had assumed he'd be at the front and win it, so interpreting his place at the start as an immediate loss was confusing and distressing.  Its a funny thing to observe all of our hearts' interactions with a "fun run".


So, here is what I have been thinking about since the race...a post race response. Another family with whom we walked back to the school from the end of the race had one child Chad's age and one Ellie's.  I had seen the younger sibling running hard at the end, face neither ecstatic or in pain, just wide eyed following the crowds on this crazy run.  He made it happily to the finish line and then was pre-occupied by the sky, the trees, being with his friends and whatever might come next in the day.  He ran, had fun, and was on to the next thing.  Meanwhile, his brother was in tears, apparently for not being as fast as his friend.  He was receiving a lecture from his father about proper expectations for a sport you only participate in once a year.  By the look on his face and the disposition of his whole body, it wasn't helping.  And I began to wonder about when that transition from brother one to brother two takes place in all of us.  There is a fundamental shift that takes place in all of our hearts from simply enjoying the moment to being at enmity with it.

To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field.  By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”  Gen. 3:17-19

I guess it is where we experience the fall in our daily doings.  Simple jobs that to outsiders seem pretty easy (fold and put away the laundry, file papers, mow the grass, return phone calls) instead become arduous.  A toil to our labors has replaced a satisfaction and delight in them.  But there is more.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.  Col. 3:1-3

My heart gets set on the prize for my age group so that I no longer run because I enjoy being outside with friends and family on a beautiful Saturday morning.  My heart gets set on accolades and appreciation from friends and family so that without it, my labors feel in vain.  My heart gets set on comfort and rest, so that when those are disrupted or denied, it is not love and compassion I feel for my friends and family but resentment.

If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.  I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.  My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  John 15:10-12

The joy in me is Jesus's joy, complete and lacking nothing.  It does not require anything to be added...what does Jesus need with a "Girls 8 and under" third place medal, for example?  I wonder if any of the other things that steal my joy in the daily will seem equally as obviously silly as I grow in Him and His joy?  What might it look like to complete the daily tasks around my house, for my involvements in community and so on the way our younger friend ran the race on Saturday - happy to be out there, running hard, and easily moving on to the next thing once it is finished?  I wonder what resting in Him and His accomplishments might do in replacement of my restless striving to earn my own? 

“If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,  then you will find your joy in the LORD, and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”  For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.  Is. 58:13-14

Resurrection Rush

As it is written: “See, I lay in Zion a stone that causes people to stumble and a rock that makes them fall, and the one who believes in him will never be put to shame.” Rom. 9:33


I spent the summer after my junior year in college in Branson, Mo.  One of the many things I did that summer was bungee jumping...and I did not like it.  Being hyperactive and overconfident, I was the first one in line, boldly rushing to the top of this ridiculously high launching pad of sorts.  I got all harnessed in and was supposed to make the big jump when suddenly all of  my reasonable instincts took over, reminding me that I had been conditioned my entire life  NOT to fall off of high ledges nor think I could fly no matter what that kid in the Disney movie was able to do.  I froze.  I froze to the point people down below were yelling "push her!"  When finally I did leave the safety of that ledge, the free fall was not freeing nor exhilarating nor adrenaline producing.  It felt more like I had the wind knocked out of me or was a rag doll being tossed about by an active puppy.

While that is sort of a pathetic illustration, or an illustration of one my more pathetic moments, I think it speaks to the dissatisfaction that often follows pleasure seeking.  Whenever I go to get a massage, which is at most once every other year, I look soooooo forward to it and go with hopes of the professionals mashing out all the stress and wear and tear of daily life.  In fact, the hour flies by as if just a few minutes and I leave a little more relaxed but not transformed.  Where in the world am I going with this?  I was just thinking this morning about the fact that we can't grab for delight or happiness or freedom or lightheartedness with any degree of the success with which we can receive it.  And I get to receive it through Him, as He draws me into Himself through His suffering into resurrected new life.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  James 1:17


When God gives freedom, it is not stolen or manufactured but the real, life-giving deal.  When God gives rest it is not the same kind of escapist rest I am often prone to settle for instead.  When God gives delight to His children, it is the pure, wide-eye producing, peaceful gift that only He can fashion.


We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. Rom. 6:4


And, here is the tricky thing:  while I can't go manufacturing an abundant life for myself any more than a jump with a bungee cord could guarantee a good time, He will bring me to that place of abundant life not through my courage and boldness but through joining in His death first.  But here is the cool thing:  life on the "other side" of those many deaths of self is awesome because what is killed off as we join in Christ's death are all  my toxic affections which promised a good time even as they tied me up and sucker punched me.


Trying to be an adventure junkie for Jesus just doesn't work because it is no more about the person and work of Jesus than my bungee jumping.  Aiming for "the rush" instead of the person and work of Jesus is simply another form of idolatry and self-reliant self-centeredness.  But climbing up on that cross with Jesus, painfully entering into His suffering for the mortification of all the many ways I determine to be my own god, sends me up from the grave and out into new life that can never spoil, perish or fade.


This may all be too ethereal to follow, but I am experiencing a little taste of this in this season and it is just plain sweet.  But not plain sweet, scrumptiously sweet.  He has walked me through some of my greatest fears in this past year, painstakingly uncurled my fingers from things I would never have let go of had He not done the finger uncurling for me.  And those things I was so afraid of losing now seem like the discovery that the all powerful wizard behind the curtain is really just a tiny, fearful, incapable little man.  Only God knows how many more wizards of Oz have to be exposed to my heart in the years to come, but perhaps I'll be increasingly willing to have those curtains pulled back the more I realize His new life really is exhilarating, freeing, peaceful and transforming.


So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.  Col. 2:6-7

Image is Everything

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:11-14


Does a life have value, or even necessity, if it makes no apparent or memorable impact on history, society, culture or in any way alter the life of others?  While the Sunday school answer is "of course!" and then to add, even pregnancy has impact.  But then I think about the way I actually think about people in the aisles at Wal Mart, or walking along Hollowell/Bankhead to or from a bus and probably to or from a menial job or activity.  Somehow it is even easier for me to see the value of a homeless person than a no-named person working a menial job, living in a bleak apartment, repeating the same unglamorous routines day after day.  Or, if all this seems harsh, what about my response to getting face time with the president of this or that company or organization, or the highly revered leader of this mega-church or well-known actor or athlete?  What makes those lives seem more significant to me, more valuable and more appealing than the unknown lady walking down the road with her plastic drug store bag in tow?


I think it is more than just a cultural obsession with fame or a type A drive for influence and impact.  I think there is something really deeply rooted in my heart that assumes my own value (and consequently the value of others) is quantified by admired achievement and number of followers.  Isn't that how we bloggers are tempted to determine the worthwhile future of our online efforts?  If nobody is reading, does the writing still have value?  If nobody is following you on Twitter, does it matter what you have to say?  If you have zero friends on Facebook, is it worth having a page there?  Does the fact that it is never enough speak to anything unhealthy happening underneath?  


Or, to take a different direction, what about the unrestrained abuse on blogs heaped on those who aren't passionate about what we are passionate?  In the course of one week, I received an e-mail by a politician friend disdaining more than those on the other side of the aisle those who are doing nothing politically and read several blogs in different areas of ministry essentially questioning the faith of those who weren't involved in the exact same specific acts of service to God's Kingdom that they were.  Isn't this condemnation of self when the numbers aren't in my favor and condemnation of others who aren't in my camp revealing about something to which I have attached my value other than the person and work of Jesus alone?


“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Matt. 25:45


Jesus repeatedly identifies Himself with "the least of these", which doesn't just mean the raggedly dressed, the homeless or the orphans.  I'm guessing it includes the whole spectrum of our valuations of "most" and "least".  When I disdain the least, I am disdaining Him.  When I feel shame as one of the least (because I am not accomplishing, not being followed, not producing, not broadly impacting), I am clearly wearing the first Adam at the moment following the fall and not wearing the second Adam who clothed even the first.



Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”  So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.  God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”  Gen. 1:26-28


What I seem to forget is that my own dignity, value and purpose began in creation as one who bears the image of God and remains today clothed in that image even as I move forward toward complete restoration of that image in, through and all over me.  When my heart starts trotting down the road of fear and anxiety that I may never publish the book I wrote, that I may drop off the social map as a result of the choices our family is making (as if I was ever on it), that I may become totally disconnected from even the remotest movers and shakers in our culture...the necessity of my breath and life has shifted from the person and work of Jesus alone to the number of those who recognize me and appreciate my being.


But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first. Matt. 19:30


I have what feels like an insatiable need to be first...at the buffet table, across the finish line, on the best sellers list, on the invitation list, and on and on.  Being first validates my existence where middle of the pack, end of the line or off the list altogether denies my necessity to the planet.  Yet in the Gospel, it is God who is the first and the last and in His image alone life is to be found and valued above all earthly treasure.  How differently would I cherish the throngs riding buses around town, the generically dressed kids at the public park and my own day lived in anonymity if I began to worship His image rather than man's, including my own.  Oh would I begin to be consumed by His image alone!


The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.  For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.  He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.  And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.  Col. 1:15-18

A Royal Dilemma

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.  John 1:14


So, it finally hit me after watching parts of the wedding coverage and then The King's Speech on Friday night that the world I grew up in is much like British royalty.  What I mean is that when I saw the way that Queen Elizabeth was dressed as a child, it very closely resembled the way families in our more affluent neighborhoods dress their children...smocked, formal, traditional, sophisticated...even elegant?  The standard of Jackie O.'s refinement, glamor and dignified demeanor came straight from the pages of royalty and is something to aspire to for all the women who prefer to be classified among the royalty rather than the peasants or commoners.


The more I thought about it, the more I saw in my circles the similarities between between Prince William's life and that of the "upper class" here in the U.S.  And I also remembered one of my own personal ten commandments to never act or appear "common".  Table manners, speech, conversation topics and recreation all pointed toward one position or the other...can you guess which side Nascar falls on and to which golf is identified?  But that alone is not enough because there is an ongoing need to prove one's own position as royalty through the kind of cars driven, vacation spots chosen, and a house filled with antiques and expensive fabrics.  Oh please don't mistakenly identify me as common rather than clearly descended and connected to royalty!

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:  Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. Phil. 2:5-7

The concern about not being mistaken as "common" was never a priority for Jesus in His time on earth.  He knew His position in the only eternal kingdom and willingly forfeited the rights and privileges (and honor and glory) of royalty.  He didn't just put on sunglasses and a hat as He made His way incognito through the crowds of common people to comfortable coffee shops and boutique clothiers.  His humility was in the opposite direction, making Himself unidentifiable to those in more powerful positions and taking on in their eyes the full image of a servant, a working class commoner.


“Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t his mother’s name Mary, and aren’t his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas?  Aren’t all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?”  And they took offense at him.  Matt. 13:55-57


Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.  Rom. 6:8


Part of my dying with Christ is joining, by faith, in the knowledge that His Kingdom is not of this world but is even more real, more true and more certain than anything to be found here.  It means that I join in His suffering by letting go of the importance of being identified as one of "these" and never as one of "those".  But the suffering is enabled by the faith that as an heir with Jesus,  my royalty in the only eternal kingdom makes my identification as a commoner here a light and temporary matter.  My importance no longer rests on the perceptions of others, the class distinctions of whatever current society I find myself inhabiting or the identification with human royal blood.


So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.  There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.  Gal. 3:26-29


Finally, you may be wondering, what does this have to do with redemption and an eye to loving others better?  Well, for one, when I am preoccupied with my own importance and identity, I can only at best fit others in the margins of the space I must occupy.  Not only that, but this standard of personal importance also gives me a new standard by which I value others, a standard as irrelevant to each of our need for a Redeemer as what kind of soup we like to eat.  Yet, these self-selected standards of distinction are all the more supportive of the fact that I share Adam and Eve's arrogance in thinking I'm one piece of fruit short of being my own self-sufficient god.


In most every interaction, I will promote my own necessary importance to the person before me or the importance and necessity of my Redeemer.  May my boast not be in how I speak, the exquisite manners of my children, the popular cultural I enjoy or disdain, the elegance of my personal presentation (ha ha...no worries there!) or any other distinctive between myself and others.  If I boast, just like Paul, may it only be in my immeasurable need for the person and work of Jesus and His immeasurable extension of mercy and grace and love toward me to meet it.  Oh would His transformation of my heart make me more interested in elevating those around me to positions above me than to seat myself in the place of honor before all others.


When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them.  “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am.  Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.  I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.  Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. John 13:12-17