Like Children

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kindgom of heaven. Matthew 18:1-3

How many times I have heard this referenced in a sermon and then been sent off to try harder at being amazed by life or do more to be more trusting or to approach life with a renewed sense of innocense and wonder. The image conjured up of a little child is that of an angelic face, camera ready, wide eyed and peacefully gazing up at the world and the adult by his or her side.

That is so not the image of children you would get in my house on a given day, for good or bad. First of all, my children almost never have clean faces (or hands or knees, etc.) and stillness only seems to happen if they are asleep or allowed to stare and drool before the television. They open their eyes in the morning ready to get this day started at top speed and top volume, even when their parents feebly try to recommend that the sun is not awake yet so we really shouldn't be either. They may have curiosity about how a thing works or what they could make, but the dreamy pondering is usurped by an eagerness to get in there and start working it out. This diving right in sometimes ends with tears over the destruction of a failed (or broken) creation, but often ends with something far more creative than I could have come up with myself.

When they are scared, they don't act cool about it. They grab hold of me with an assumption that their nails don't hurt my skin and that if the small dog really was intending to attack, I could somehow take it out. When something disappoints them or they don't get their way, they don't meekly take it in and process it rationally. They burst into loud sobs that we as adults think should be reserved for a serious injury or other "real tragedy". When they find something funny, they laugh loudly. When they are moved to dance, they boogie. (See picture above.) When I reprimand them for being me-centered or disrespectful or straight out rebellious, they cry and bury their faces into my shoulder! Into the shoulder and chest of the very one who just expressed disappointment with them!

But I am an adult, increasingly concerned with "being the greatest" because I have delusions that I am just a few adjustments and improvements away from this status...if only others would recognize it. I am an adult and have no tolerance for those emotional outbursts that are irritating to me at 5:30 in the evening and are totally unnecessary. I am an adult and know that most fears are irrational and should therefore be subdued, and that goes for laughter that is a little too loud and dancing when the floor isn't yet filled with other people who are dancing beside me. Good-night means good-night and I do not want to be called in one more time, even for the sweet request to "snuggle" because don't they know I as a stay-at-home-mom have finally gotten to clock out!? I am an adult and anyone who criticizes me or exposes a flaw is better removed from my circle, avoided from here on out and ultimately rejected for their unwillingness to recognize me as "being the greatest".

Oh, how sweet indeed that my Father, through the person and work of Jesus, never clocks out! He does not treat my tears with contempt but stores them up in a bottle as cherished. He lets me throw temper tantrums because His Kingdom is not threatened by my strong will and blindness. Instead, He is compassionate and merciful, and not because my complaints or behavior are always rational but because He already knows my sin and is Himself certain of its subtle demise. David was apparently a dancing fool before the Lord because, at least for a moment, he realized worship and celebration didn't require the approval of anyone else. They were strictly for the only One whose total approval and adoration he already had and could never lose.

Children get that. They know that they are "the least of these". Their voice rarely has impact to the broader world. They have no real power or wealth by which to influence anyone. They are often awkward, have runny noses and for being so small, can smell surprisingly bad at the end of a day. But they are not living for the opinion of others or the praise of others. They live dependently because they are fully aware of their position of need and vulnerability.

What I am realizing to an increasing degree is that God is not asking me to play act "like little children" or to muster up some nostalgic idea of what it was to be a child back in my day. He is not asking for naivite or anything to do with intelligence or ability. He is asking me to see who it is I already am and most honestly am, needy and least of these in terms of my heart's most honest condition (self-centered and self-obsessed and very much "the least of these" in terms of my ability to earn God's favor) and yet Fathered by the one who is indeed greatest. He never grows of tired or weary, not even at 5:30 in the evening.