Raw Heart

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:1-5

My hope is constantly in "things to come" or attaining my wish list, yet this seems to imply the goal of our hope is the love of God poured into our hearts. What is more satisfying than the love God? Yet other great things seems so much more tangible and honestly what I want more urgently...adopting orphans, racial reconciliation, communicating the Gospel, moving toward others in love when disengagement is so much easier.

My heart is raw this week, for somewhat trivial circumstances. They however are the means which God has used to show me where I have placed my hope rather than in Him alone. Following Him is so much easier for me than sitting with Him. Working for Him is so much more manageable than communing with Him. He asks me to trust Him, to accept His terms rather than serve mine like a drive through window. His love is not meant to be a means to an end, but is the very end in itself. I don't understand so I avoid Him, keep moving, and running after related things but not the very One I need most.

But God is good and lovingly jealous for His daughter Jane and is determined to pull me out of my restless addiction to "snacking" on junk food to pull me into the feast of His love. Its not that those other desires and outworkings of the Gospel are bad, but they are no replacement for Him alone. Everything is junk food compared to the nourishment that only His love can provide.

Oh so prone to wander, Lord I feel it!

May this stripping of the insufficient garments in which I have lamely tried to cover my heart be replaced by the lavish clothing of His presence, His love, Himself! May this rawness of my heart, this physical distress, not simply find relief in distraction and busyness, but remain until and unless satisfied by Him.