The Sadness Inherent in God's Calling Me to Believe

Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. Matthew 19:21-22

I always read this and thought the young man was a fool.  I mean, how materialistic and blind can you be to prefer your stuff to God?  And then, mercifully, the patient, gentle and redeeming person and work of Jesus began to show me that I am that very fool.

I may not like shopping, but that does not mean I am not materialistic, taking pride in the things I do have even if gifted by someone else.  I may be frugal, but that does not mean I am not greedy as I keep my fingers clinched around the money I do have.  "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" explains why my heart is so divided.  My heart is not so entirely surrendered to God's glory as I like to believe.  But its not just neat sayings like I just gave, He is taking me deeper into this Gospel Kingdom by showing me my great wealth in the world that I am really afraid to let go.

My treasure may not look like a pirate's chest of gold dubloons (what are dubloons, anyway?), but its just as much about my glory and security apart from God as those other more obvious material treasures.  When you are shown those things, or even just one of those things in such a way that you get how much you think you can't live without it, there is no way not to feel the sorrow of that rich young ruler.

I like to "sacrifice" in ways that actually leave me unscathed.  "Oh, how great of you to give your time like that!" but I scheduled that time on my calendar and could move certain things around to make it work.  That was no real loss, but I won't tell them.  "Oh how generous of you to donate that!" but it was a budgeted gift and none of our other needs will be effected.  "Wow, that is so brave of you to go there!" but I was wired to go there so not going there would simply make me crabby.  And then Jesus says, "Will you walk away from this particular treasure?" and its such a deeply treasured part of my life that I didn't even know it was a treasure.  I just thought it was a non-negotiable given, which may sound silly to me if I were talking about something someone else treasured that I didn't, but this?  How could I walk away from this?  (think opportunity, security, support, community, team, resource, facility...true treasure)

See, I have always wanted to give up treasures that I didn't really treasure.  Its like how most people take their most out of style, worn out clothes to Goodwill and feel good about giving to the poor.  That is the kind of sacrifice I thought was real sacrifice.  But it turns out that becoming less so that He can become more isn't code for something more glamorous.  It doesn't mean "less" in the eyes of people whose opinion I didn't care about anyway.  It means less in the opninion of anyone other than God whose goal is for His Kingdom to come here on earth, not mine.  Like Paul Miller said, "...realizing God is my fortress doesn't mean that God is giving me a fortress.  It means that He is the fortress.  Except for God, I am completely alone. I wasn't sure I liked that."

With the rich young ruler, and with me, to quote Paul Miller again, Jesus wants to "close all the doors to human power and glory."  And if that doesn't make us feel a bit sad, I'm not sure I have genuinely seen how many doors I want to keep open.  Everything in my life and culture has told me to get as many doors opened for my future (and even more weighted, my children's future!) as I can.  Only a fool would walk away or let a door get shut.  Yet, Scripture defines wisdom as the person and work of Jesus and He is calling us to place our future in Him and His glory, not ours.  That sounds awesome until He asks me to really do it.  Then, quite honestly, it makes me sad and scared.  Can I leave my kingdom for His?  The only answer comes after the next question:  Do I really believe in His Kingdom (in many ways unseen) more than I believe in mine (in many ways more certain)?

He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 1:28-31